You Can't Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded): Strategies for Bringing Out the Best in Your Strong-Willed Child
by Cynthia Tobias
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Book Summary Information
Author: Cynthia TobiasEdition: Audio Cassette
Format: Abridged, Audiobook
Published: 1999-08-17
ISBN: 1578561957
Publisher: WaterBrook Press
Book Reviews of You Can't Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded): Strategies for Bringing Out the Best in Your Strong-Willed Child
Book Review: Disheartening Unbiblical view of children
Summary: 1 Stars
If you are a Christian, then please read my review. Cynthia Tobias has been greatly lauded in the homeschool community for her educational theories. But, as a Christian mom, I have some serious concerns about her perspectives on strongwilled children. At first, as I was reading this book, I thought, well, you can sift through what she says to glean what you can. But, as I read on, I came to have major issues with this book. By her scale in the beginning of the book for strong willed people (1 to 12, 12 being high), I am a 10 or 11. So, I'm a very strong willed person myself.
These are two examples of why this book concerns me. She tells a story about when she was in church and learned the song, "Trust and obey" Well, since she didn't like the song the way it was, she sang "Trust and Comply," substituting comply for obey and the last line of "Trust and obey for there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus than to trust and obey" She sang "Trust and Comply, for I know the reason why, to be happy in Jesus than to trust and comply." Now, this may seem silly, but her point is that it was HER choice to obey--taking God out of the picture. We are saved by God's GRACE--His ACTION, NOT OURS. And obedience is important.
She repeatedly talks about how important it is always to give strong willed children choices all the time and not tell them what to do. I'm sorry, but when I'm crossing a busy street and ask for my daughter's hand--I am not going to give her a choice! It is absolutely important that she obey me!
The second story comes later in the book about a time when she was teaching English at a public school. I am by trade a middle school teacher. She uses this story as an example of how Strong willed children believe that rules are only guidelines and that they are going to live with them as such--and most importantly that this is OKAY from her perspective! Back to the story, she tells the story of being told by her department chair to use a set of particular books in her class. She didn't want to, so she checked out the books and took them to her classroom. She passed out the books and instructed the students to sit on them for the class period. Then she collected them and returned them. The Dept. Chair asked if she used them and she said "Yes." No, she did not! As she retold the story, there was no remorse or regret for what she did! But, there is a huge integrity issue there. I am sure those students knew exactly what she was doing. What kind of example was she setting for them--that they didn't need to respect authority? She surely wasn't in this case.
When I look at my little girls and my particularly strong willed one, I want them to grow up with a healthy respect for authority and a willingness to be obedient and submissive. I also desire for them to be independent individuals. I am not raising robots. Most of all, the greatest lesson I learned as a strong willed woman was how to listen to others and learn from their experiences and advice. That, above all, is what I want my strongest daughter to learn. And that is the one thing Cynthia Tobias says she will not. I have to disagree, because I did and I so I hope my daughter will, too.
This book condones and perpetuates the patterns I saw in so many middle schoolers. I am so saddened that so many people loved this book. If you are a Christian parent, please be careful with this book. It is very subtle, but it does not condone submission to authority or integrity in strong willed children.
Summary of You Can't Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded): Strategies for Bringing Out the Best in Your Strong-Willed Child
It's easy to recognize a strong-willed child. Difficult to discipline, at times impossible to motivate, strong-willed children present unique, frustrating, and often exhausting challenges to those who care for them. But now, the miracle parents long for can happen. Offering new hope, achievable goals, and a breath of fresh air to families and teachers, Cynthia Tobias explains how the mind of a strong-willed child works - and how to use that information to the child's best advantage.Audio is Approx. 180 minutes, 2 cassettes.
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