Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget
by Marianne J. Legato, Laura Tucker
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Book Summary Information
Author: Laura Tucker, Marianne J. LegatoEdition: Paperback
Format: Bargain Price
Published: 2006-09-05
ISBN: N/A
Number of pages: 272
Publisher: Rodale Books
Book Reviews of Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget
Book Review: Sexual Differences Innate
Summary: 5 Stars
Marianne J. Legato, MD, FACP, is a professor of clinical medicine at Columbia University and has devoted herself to the study of "gender medicine." She has concluded, on the basis of massive (and often quite recent, Nobel Prize awarded) research, that men and women are in fact quite different, fully aware that this truth may offend some in the feminist movement--including a large contingent of Harvard professors who effectively ousted President Larry Summers for daring to suggest it. Truth to tell, "there is a tremendous risk in categorizing certain behaviors as `male' or `female'" (p. xxii) as she does throughout her recent treatise (written with the assistance of Laura Tucker). Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget (Rodale, 2005) makes clear why this is so and offers suggestions concerning how we should deal with the opposite sex.
Legato's thesis, set forth in the Introduction, is this: "Men and women think differently, approach problems differently, emphasize the importance of things differently, and experience the world around us through entirely different filters" (p. xiv). While processing information, men use only one side of the brain and consider "one thing at a time" (p. xvi). Women, however, have more gray matter in the frontal cortex of their brains and simultaneously synthesize several strands of information. Consequently, women have significantly superior verbal skills, whereas men are able to focus like a laser on specific tasks.
"Men and Women Are Different" declares chapter one, affirming the consensus judgment of common sense. A few decades ago, Legato says, she and others "assumed that women were, physiologically speaking, simply small men" (p. 2). Brain studies, however, make it clear just how the sexes differ. At the moment of conception we are genetically either male or female. So many sexual differences are "hardwired. But as soon as we're born, the environment works in powerful ways to interact with, and even change, our hardwiring to shape the way we act and interface with others. . . . . Treating your daughter like she's a girl may make her more so" (p. 7). Though men's brains are larger, "women use more parts of their brains when given a wide variety of verbal and spatial tasks" (p. 10).
Sexual differences naturally explain sexual attraction. Women want men who will "provide emotional and financial security" and display strength and assertiveness, whereas men desire women who are "young and healthy enough to reproduce; indeed, many of the physical characteristics that men find most attractive in women are ones that connote youth and good health" (p. 19). Like it or not, looks matter! Women crave men who are "sociable, approachable, and of high social status. They also gave high marks to expensive or elegant clothing" (p. 22). In the dating and mating dance, women initiate (at least 70 percent of the time) the process, though the process is so "subtle" that the man appears to make "'the first move'" (p. 30). A man initiates a conversation only after a favorable "glance from the woman" (p. 30).
Legato devotes a chapter to conversational differences between the sexes. As important as it is to communicate well, men and women frequently fail in this area. From the moment of birth, girls hear better than boys. Subsequently, they listen better and talk more fluently. Studies of the brain simply document the fact that male and female brains significantly differ in their capacity to handle words. Women also interpret visual cues--i.e. facial expressions, body language--more skillfully than men. And they also have better memories "for the spoken word" (p. 68). Consequently, they remember all the details of arguments quickly forgotten by men. Women love to talk and tell stories, especially about family and home; it's a part of sustaining friendships. Men, however, talk mainly to get information, discussing the news or sporting events.
Having explained and justified her position, Legato proceeds to offer advice regarding marriage, parenting, stress and aging. Some of her views are derived from her studies; others come from her personal experience. Apart from what she considers scientifically demonstrable, however, she gives no clear moral guidance. Multiple marriages (including her own)--and affairs between married folks--may be the best way to cope with life. Despite the lack of a moral compass, however, the book merits reading for its cogent defense of one, simple, guiding truth: the differences between men and women are anything but social constructions, they are naturally given and inescapable.
Summary of Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget
Why won?t he ask for directions? Why does she always want to talk about the relationship? Why is it so hard for men and women to understand each other . . . and what can we do about it? These are the kinds of questions that are resolved at last in this fascinating book from the founder of gender medicine. Dr. Marianne Legato not only confirms that men and women are different, but she uncovers the neuroscientific reasons behind the age-old disputes between the sexes, while providing a groundbreaking, authoritative, and reader-friendly guide to resolving them.
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