Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism
by Sandy Hotchkiss, James F. Masterson
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Book Summary Information
Author: James F. Masterson, Sandy HotchkissEdition: Paperback
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 2003-08-07
ISBN: 0743214285
Number of pages: 224
Publisher: Free Press
Book Reviews of Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism
Book Review: Surviving in a Narcissistic World
Summary: 5 Stars
"Try to hold yourself above the fray." ~ Sandy Hotchkiss
"Why is it always about You?" is an intriguing book about what is quickly becoming a societal norm. It is very likely that you are surrounded by narcissists. With that said, this is not really a book designed to protect you from violent narcissists. This is more about people who love to talk about themselves obsessively, want control and have no real concern for the well-being of others. The people described in this book have an agenda and it is all about their success not yours.
The seven deadly sins of narcissism include: shamelessness, magical thinking, arrogance, envy, entitlement, exploitation and bad boundaries.
Sandy Hotchkiss seems to have an incredible understanding of why people become narcissists. She fully describes the developmental phases a child goes through. There is also a chapter on narcissistic parents and how they influence a child's ability to manage shame. Apparently lots of narcissists are trying to avoid shame as adults. This plays out in a very interesting way when they become managers later in life. Susan Hotchkiss gives great advice for surviving in the workplace. She explores setting boundaries and explains how you should treat the narcissist after you understand their weaknesses.
"How much can you give in a relationship that offers so little reciprocity? The aging Narcissist will put you to the test." ~ pg. 85
If you have been dealing with narcissistic parents all your life then you may appreciate the chapter on the aging narcissist. Sandy Hotchkiss describes this as an extremely aggravating and exhausting ordeal. She explains how you should be loving and expect less in return. Since you are not going to get the emotional support you need from your parents you should seek this elsewhere.
I thought this book had a lot of good advice, especially the sections on setting boundaries. A lot of this book describes "survival" strategies. If you are however in a violent relationship this book might not help you. I'd advice you to seek other help immediately.
I rarely read a book twice but this book was an exception. I will probably read it quite a few more times because it is that good.
I can also highly recommend:
Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents
Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving & Thriving With the Self-Absorbed
~The Rebecca Review
Summary of Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism
In this groundbreaking book -- the first popular book on narcissism in more than a decade -- clinical social worker and psychotherapist Sandy Hotchkiss shows you how to cope with controlling, egotistical people who are incapable of the fundamental give-and-take that sustains healthy relationships. Exploring how individuals come to have this shortcoming, why you get drawn into their perilous orbit, and what you can do to break free, Hotchkiss describes the "Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism" and their origins. You will learn to recognize these hallmarks of unhealthy narcissism -- Shamelessness, Magical Thinking, Arrogance, Envy, Entitlement, Exploitation, Bad Boundaries -- and to understand the roles that parenting and culture play in their creation.Whether the narcissist in question is a coworker, spouse, parent, or child, Why Is It Always About You? provides abundant practical advice for anyone struggling to break narcissism's insidious spread to the next generation, and for anyone who encounters narcissists in everyday life.
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