The Sociopath Next Door
by Martha Stout
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Book Summary Information
Author: Martha StoutEdition: Paperback
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 2006-03-14
ISBN: 0767915828
Number of pages: 256
Publisher: Three Rivers Press
Product features:
- ISBN13: 9780767915823
- Condition: New
- Notes: BRAND NEW FROM PUBLISHER! 100% Satisfaction Guarantee. Tracking provided on most orders. Buy with Confidence! Millions of books sold!
Book Reviews of The Sociopath Next Door
Book Review: ...how about the sociopath in the next office?
Summary: 5 Stars
Having just been fired by a sociopath and her manager - also a sociopath - this book hit me squarely between the eyes. Ouch!
I skimmed this book quickly. The first part of the book on conscience was rather lengthy, in my opinion, although I'm sure some will find it very enlightening. The conscience discussion at the end of the book was more practical...for me.
One of the best parts of the book - for me - is the Thirteen Rules for Dealing with Sociopaths in Everyday Life. As with Borderline Personality Disordered people, the best thing we can do for ourselves is to refuse to allow these people to have any influence in our lives whatsoever. Set boundaries that exclude them...without them knowing that we are purposefully doing so...read the book to see why. My supervisor was cunning, baffling, and very, very powerful...after all, she fired me.
Her superiors who should have known better...Human Resources, her Manager, the CFO and CEO...allowed her to slide right on through to a homerun because she is such a master manipulator. The way I see it is: CEO's and HR Departments have an obligation to guarantee a safe work environment for their employees. My work environment wasn't safe, for many reasons. The CEO failed, the HR Department failed. No surprise, they have failed many to date.
I especially benefitted from the more concrete Rules portion because it was like Sociopathy 101 and how to deal with them. The last rule: Living Well is the Best Revenge really hits home for me. The only way to get this slimey stuff out of your system is to give all that negative slime over to a Higher Power. Then, let go and let God...and be determined to live a wonderful life, and be humbly thankful that this person is no longer in your life.
I admit that, several years earlier, I had some reservations about her and her husband, and the way that I saw them shame their little boy in my presence. He has Attention Deficit Disorder, and at the time, it was an ongoing problem for him at school. The dad shamed him arrogantly and mercilessly, over and over. I was mortified by his lack of sensitivity. The little boy looked so downtrodden and ashamed. There was no need for this...except, possibly his dad is also a sociopath? Of course, both of them would be oblivious to any feelings that their son might have. The book validates my experience on this one.
I see that their little boy seems to fit into the chapter on the (painful) boredom experienced by sociopaths when they are unable to keep stirring the pot to create the extra stimulation they crave. Imagine how "valuable" a 'problem' child can be for the sociopathically challenged! If you have a 'problem child' you can continue to berate him daily, and savor the sad look on his face while you do it. Add a little dash of physical violence. It provides the stimulating domination that sociopaths crave. According to the book, a situation like this creates a sort of high...like an addiction. And, if a sociopath isn't able to create a crisis or chaos on an ongoing basis, she has a sort of meltdown, which is very painful for them. Like an anxious vampire always on the lookout for the next victim.
I could sense this in my supervisor over the past 6 months. She was getting very restless and began testing the waters to see what she could get away with, doing it a little more agressively each time. Sure enough, the book validates this.
The book claims that sociopaths do not have a conscience. It discusses 'conscience' as a component of love. Without love, all we humans are capable of is to 'possess' or dominate, rather than to love. It explains how we need to strive to always be raising our conscience to the next level.
It gives the example of a diverse group of people who have purposefully developed their conscience, how this has contributed to the level of increased satisfaction in their lives. These people are more focused on the welfare of their fellow human beings. (Mother Theresa comes to mind for me) This is so beautiful! This portion of the book made me think about the quality of my own life...in a positive, enlightening way. This feels right on target to me. Thanks, Martha.
This book helped me sort through the circumstances. My perceptions had been accurate with what I had observed and felt intuitively about these people and their very bad behavior.
Summary of The Sociopath Next Door
Who is the devil you know?Is it your lying, cheating ex-husband?
Your sadistic high school gym teacher?
Your boss who loves to humiliate people in meetings?
The colleague who stole your idea and passed it off as her own?
In the pages of The Sociopath Next Door, you will realize that your ex was not just misunderstood. He?s a sociopath. And your boss, teacher, and colleague? They may be sociopaths too.
We are accustomed to think of sociopaths as violent criminals, but in The Sociopath Next Door, Harvard psychologist Martha Stout reveals that a shocking 4 percent of ordinary people?one in twenty-five?has an often undetected mental disorder, the chief symptom of which is that that person possesses no conscience. He or she has no ability whatsoever to feel shame, guilt, or remorse. One in twenty-five everyday Americans, therefore, is secretly a sociopath. They could be your colleague, your neighbor, even family. And they can do literally anything at all and feel absolutely no guilt.
How do we recognize the remorseless? One of their chief characteristics is a kind of glow or charisma that makes sociopaths more charming or interesting than the other people around them. They?re more spontaneous, more intense, more complex, or even sexier than everyone else, making them tricky to identify and leaving us easily seduced. Fundamentally, sociopaths are different because they cannot love. Sociopaths learn early on to show sham emotion, but underneath they are indifferent to others? suffering. They live to dominate and thrill to win.
The fact is, we all almost certainly know at least one or more sociopaths already. Part of the urgency in reading The Sociopath Next Door is the moment when we suddenly recognize that someone we know?someone we worked for, or were involved with, or voted for?is a sociopath. But what do we do with that knowledge? To arm us against the sociopath, Dr. Stout teaches us to question authority, suspect flattery, and beware the pity play. Above all, she writes, when a sociopath is beckoning, do not join the game.
It is the ruthless versus the rest of us, and The Sociopath Next Door will show you how to recognize and defeat the devil you know.
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