The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis
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Book Reviews of The Four Loves
Book Review: A fascinating study of the various types of love
Summary: 5 Stars
Everything from the love of a mother for her children to the love of husbands and wives is covered in this book. Lewis ponders the ways in which we show affection and brotherly love, etc. A deeply rewarding read!Book Review: Interesting book, makes you think.
Summary: 5 Stars
The Four Loves by CS Lewis has taken me a while to get through but is very interesting and challenging. CS lewis is a very deep thinker.Book Review: Awesome Book!
Summary: 5 Stars
An awesome book where Mr. Lewis shares his brilliant option on affection, friendship, erotic love and charity. A must read!Book Review: review
Summary: 5 Stars
great transaction - product just as described - I recommend this
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Book Review: Thoughts on why marriage/long-term relationships fail
Summary: 4 Stars
~ How being true friends can help us stay in love for the long haul ~
CS Lewis' eloquent depiction of what true friendship is in his book 'The Four Loves' provided much fodder for thought. It has struck a chord as to why some marriages and long-term relationships become trying after a while.
The following are helpful quotes on the characteristics of "true friends", which is very different from the everyday usage of the word "friends":
1) Friends operate side by side. They let you be you and are not duty-bound. 'Don't mention it' is the way they really feel. They do not impose nor do they burden us with demands or expectations.
2) There is no jealousy or rivalry. They are truly happy for us when our external circumstances may take a turn for the better vis-à-vis theirs;
3) Companionship is not friendship. Friendship begins with the pleasant discovery of common interests, 'What? You too?' and involves not only being absorbed in congenial activities but growing mutual interests as the friendship deepens over time.
4) A friend needs not agree with us about our answers and would stop at the onset of any arguments by agreeing to `Let's just agree to disagree';
5) Common quest which unites friends does not absorb them in such a way that they remain ignorant or oblivious of one another. A true friend is never uninterested or uninquisitive about our affairs, no matter how many times they might have heard about our issues and are ever-ready to present help in any way they can;
7) Eros (lovers) have naked bodies but true friends have naked personalities - they dare to be honest and are not fearful of showing the best and worst in us
8) Proverbs 17:17 - "A friend loves at all times", with the sort of love that covers over a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).
Marriage is the closest human relationship ordained by God where a man is to leave his family and be cleaved as one flesh with the woman in betrothal (Genesis 2: 14). Marriage is much more than just legitimizing or maintaining a healthy sex life or coming together for the purpose of procreation. Since it is not good for the man to be alone (Genesis 2: 18), a married couple is supposed to be each other's best friends or soul mates who click and have fun together, completing each other in this side of Heaven.
The crux is the depth of our friendship with our spouse determines how much and how long we shall remain in love with each other. The feeling of being 'in love' can be a powerful motivating force that oils the engines of our marriages and long-term relationships. Otherwise marriage is a tall order (even for practicing Christians) and one that would be doomed to fail or stuck in the mire of low-level stability where people stay in loveless marriages for the sake of their kids or avoid being social stigmas.
Unfortunately, many couples fail to remain true friends in every sense of the words. Many marriages and long-term relationships become duty-bound/obligations-driven/debt-repaying where jealousy rides high and burdensome as participants demand constant affirmation/approval/agreement. Oftentimes these relationships degenerate into downright unloving.
We would need to search our hearts and honestly ask ourselves whether we have endeavored to remain true friends with our better halves, actively seeking God's help when the goings get tough. We learn to do this by choosing to adhere to biblical precepts on love (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8),
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails".
Even when it may deeply pain us to take every thought captive in fighting those accompanying raw emotions to be in obedience to God's words in the doing (2 Corinthians 10:5).
Regardless of how we are being treated in any given relationship, we are called to live in peace (Romans 12:18, 21) and to return good (love) for evil (unlove). Our religion would be worthless if we claim to love God but fail to demonstrate a loving attitude towards our spouses (who also happen to be our closest neighbors). There should never be any strings attached too - whether our partners have changed or not (in actuality or in our mere perception) or are deemed unlovely, unlovable and unloving.