Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder
by Paul T. Mason, Randi Kreger

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Book Reviews of Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder

Book Review: Still the best game in town
Summary: 5 Stars

Having said that, however, there are some realistic shortcomings to this book. The most significant one is that it is so densely packed with information that it can be difficult for readers to assimilate it all. Moreover, many of its concepts are quite abstract, and thus it is not always easy to take a given concept and apply it to one's own relationship or specific life situation. A common example is the technique called "PUVAS," which stands for:

P-pay attention
U-understand fully
V-validate
A-assert your own reality
S-set boundaries

Although this concept is easy to grasp intellectually, it can be deceptively difficult to apply when directly confronted with the type of rage and other intense emotional upsets which often appear as symptoms of BPD. To address that shortcoming, Kreger and I have co-authored "The Stop Walking On Eggshells Workbook," which is due to be released within the next few months. A major goal of our to-be-released workbook is to help readers more readily absorb, assimilate, and use the sometimes challenging types of information already presented in SWOE, as well as to present some key updates based on important new research findings. Those research findings may be important to some readers who have voiced some perceptions of "Stop Walking On Eggshells" as being somehow "against" persons who have the disorder, because new findings lean towards support for BPD as being a bona fide organically based illness. If I had BPD, I can only imagine I would hate the disorder the same way my dog hates fleas, and I've no doubt I would get my hackles up if somebody told me I'd brought a flea problem into his house. Obviously we still need to continue working at better ways of talking openly about BPD without wounding or offending those who suffer from it. While it is a fact that BPD is destructive to relationships, at the same time no one ever wants or needs to feel like a New Testament leper with no Jesus anywhere in sight for compassion and cure.

The biggest gap I see currently with respect to BPD is no longer in the realm of scientific knowledge, but rather it is a gap between scientific knowledge and public understanding. Other books, notably Kreisman and Straus' "I Hate You - Don't Leave Me," and Santoro and Cohen's "The Angry Heart," do an excellent job of translating the facts of this baffling disorder into everyday language. Still, to my knowledge, "Stop Walking On Eggshells" is the only book to address the concerns specific to those people affected by BPD indirectly, through relationships with people who suffer from it.

In my opinion, Stop Walking On Eggshells, despite its realistic shortcomings, is still the best game in town to help ordinary people deal with the more interpersonally destructive behaviors that are so pervasive in this disorder called BPD, and deal with them in more constructive ways. We're a long way from having conquered this devastating disorder, and it may never disappear the way polio has, but Mason and Kreger have helped many people to take charge of their lives and make the big move from being victims of the disorder into a position of confronting and managing it. That's often the best that can be hoped for with many chronic illnesses, and "Stop Walking On Eggshells" is a sizable step in the right direction. If I ruled the world, I'd see to it that PUVAS was taught alongside 2+2=5. Or whatever that equation was.

Paul Shirley, MSW

Summary of Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder

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