Sink Reflections by Marla Cilley
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Book Reviews of Sink Reflections
Book Review: FLYLady: Blessings to her and her honesty
Summary: 5 Stars
I used to be a "Martha Stewart" type, prior to a horrible car accident leaving me with a head injury that forced me to re-learn how to read, write, walk, talk, etc. While dealing with Chronic Pain (a.k.a. Fibromyalgia)for all these years, I never re-learned how to organize myself, my home, my life, my office and all the space around me. Then I got married to a male version of a "S.H.E.", which made things even worse.
Fifteen years after the accident (long from my "Martha-days"), and many phone conversations about my husband complaining about all the clutter, a very dear friend of mine endlessly encouraged/begged me to visit [...] for over a year. After a year of being hit over the head (sometimes that's what it takes), I finally got the point! I was overwhelmed instantly by all of the information on her site, all of the reminder emails that I received in one day (and the 164 emails during long weekends that I spent visiting family). It was a bit too much for me to handle, at first. My dear friend decided to "FLY-wash" me instead. She forwarded messages that she thought were applicable to my life and my unorganizational issues (to put it nicely). They helped a bit, and spiked my interest.
I had been wondering how my dear friend managed 2 small children, full-time work, cooking meals, and keeping her house in an orderly state. Now I know!!!!
"Sink Reflections" was the answer, for me. It is condensed down without having to read hours of emails. I read it. Re-read it, and started to put the plan into action. I am a "FLYbaby" ( = newbie), but my husband and step-son have noticed a difference after only one week! I actually get dressed now, instead of spending all of my days in pjs. The dishes are done. The beds are made. And I am slowly getting the house in order so that I can invite drop-by visitors into my home without embarressment.
Anyone who has chronic fatigue, chronic pain, chronic messiness, or chronic anything, I STRONGLY URGE YOU to purchase "Sink Reflections: Overwhelmed? Disorganized? Living in Chaos?". Once you have started the FLYLady system, then phase in the internet version with email reminders and testimonials. If I can implement this system with my physical limitations, you certainly should be able to as well!
As side note: I also purchased the book "Sidetracked Home Executives(TM) : From Pigpen to Paradise". This also helped me create a new order to my life. In addition, FLYLady's theories and practices are based on these authors' methodology.
Book Review: Let's Get this A Little Straighter . . .
Summary: 5 Stars
I've been following Marla's system and wanted to counter some of the other objections to this book.
1. It's "preachy" or "too religious" -- I've seen heard Christian women saying it's "not religious enough"! This is silly. Flylady is clearly a believer, but her references to religion are vague and general. I'm sure you can deal, unless the mere mention of God offends you terribly.
2. It's "only for stay at home moms" -- Not so! I'm going into teaching next year, and I have my morning and evening routines all set up and ready to go! Plenty of Flybabies are working mothers who find that Flylady's routines give them MORE, not LESS time to relax with their family. This is because there is no more "crisis cleaning" but just small amts of maintenance cleaning to keep your home beautiful and you FREE.
3. It's hokey/syrupy -- Oh, sorry, she's NICE. Didn't mean to offend you! Ha! But seriously, Flylady's inspirational tone is just what a lot of us self-critics need to release perfectionism and procrastination, and to realize that we're blessing our families just doing what we're doing.
4. It makes it sound like the wife should just take care of her husband and kids -- Flylady discussed this recently. It's not that you SHOULD do all the work around the house. It's that you are ABLE to and should NOT let the division of responsibilities be an excuse to cause conflict in your family (i.e. no martyr attitude). Put it this way: if your routine takes care of everything in 15 minute snippets (your bathroom stays clean because you swipe it for 2 minutes each morning, your laundry stays done in 15 minutes a day, your kitchen stays clean because you put dishes in the dishwasher as you use them) there aren't those HUGE complications to cause familial discord. And flybabies have been reporting that having a control journal gives their husband a means of helping with the work, since he knows what to do. Overall, in the testimonies I've read, this has lead to happier, healthier marriages and families -- and I know it will in my family too, because unlike with my parents, there'll BE no undone housework to be bitter ABOUT!
Basically, if you feel depressed and out of control in your life, STRUCTURE will HELP you, not bog you down with more perfectionism and disappointment! I highly recommend Flylady's program. You'll FEEL better as you take the baby steps to making your environment conducive to PEACE and contentment.
Book Review: All I know, is the program helped me, a hopeless backslider
Summary: 5 Stars
I haven't actually purchased this book yet, but I have been following the program via the emails and on the web, and I really, really like it. I will purchase the book after I finish some other ones I'm working on.
I know why Marla's program works for me -- because I am a perpetually distracted type who NEEDS someone to remind me to so something like put my shoes away, at least until it becomes a habit. In fact, I was so enthused about the program that I told a friend about it and mentioned the shoe reminder emails as an example. My friend, who I suspect is an "NO" (Naturally Organized) person, looked at me and said, "That is weird." Is my friend a mean person who looks down on others? No. She just doesn't get it because she doesn't NEED it.
So maybe that can be a simple test for whether this book is for you. Do you think someone getting an e-mail reminder to take note of where they have left their shoes or that they should try to leave their sink clean is weird? Can you not possibly imagine WHY someone would need that? If so, you may be an "NO" that only needs specific information on how to make your already tidy life even more tidy and this book/program might only annoy you. Be thankful for your gift, and don't be critical. Remember, alot of people who battle with distraction are also gifted with extra ordinary creative and inventive abilities.
And by the way, if you really don't like some aspect of Marla's program, don't do it. You're an adult. Do you do everything the way your mother thinks you ought to? Probably not, but hopefully you don't hate your mother for continually making the suggestion -- you just ignore it, and be thankful for the things she taught you that do work for you. I don't "dress to the shoes" the minute I get up as Marla would like -- I have my first cup of coffee before I dress, and plan on continuing to do so on into infinity, even if I get scolded by Marla. That is my time for meditation, reflection and cozy talks with my husband -- I don't WANT to be ready to get to work right then. But I'm not going to throw the baby out with the bathwater -- I need the "nagging" Marla provides for me in other ways, and I'm grateful to her for it.
If you can relate to my experience, than this book/program may be one of the best things you have ever done for yourself.
Book Review: Still not perfect...
Summary: 5 Stars
I found this book by pure accident some years ago. I would have never considered myself as being in the target group for "Sink Reflections" - I'm a liberal agnostic German holding an M.A. and just moved to Ireland after having worked in Marketing in London for 10 years. Then... I had children.
I went into deep depression and while I love my kids dearly, I HATED being a mother and housewife. This was EVERYTHING I did not want to be - going from independant money earner, holding my own in the business world, to being stuck at home, not being able to relate to much younger moms in mother and toddler groups, and hardly having an intelligent conversation day in day out. I turned into a grumpy, ill tempered cow who snapped at her husband and kids, gained lots of weight, and generally sat around all day watching TV.
3 years on, this has changed (except for my weight, still struggling with that one :). My house is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but now I get up, make my bed, have a relaxing time over breakfast (because clothes were laid out with shoes and coats the night before, and lunches were prepared as well), and after spending maybe 30min in the morning doing my routine, the rest of the day is mine to do with what I please WITHOUT feeling bad. If FlyLady does one thing, it's getting you to accept that you do not need to feel guilty about the way your house looks. My house is not company-ready, but it takes me less than an hour to get it there - that is HUGE progress!!!
Another area in my life that has improved is that now I don't feel put upon for staying at home. I enjoy being at home spending time with the kiddies while they're still small, but it has also given me the opportunity to re-think my priorities and I have started my own interior design business rather than get back into the rat-race. I honestly don't think that without FlyLady, I would have had the drive and confidence to do this. I probably would have been another "if only".
I'm not religious, far from it, but FlyLady is genuine in her belief, and I respect that. I'm seriously allergic to people stuffing their faith down my throat, yet with Marla, I never got the feeling that that is her motivation. Therefore, take it or leave, I like her, I respect her, and I admire her drive to get her message out to help all of us SHEs.
Book Review: Help is here - you don't have to like the style to benefit!
Summary: 5 Stars
I think I fall somewhere between the reviewers who love or hate this book. While I give it an unqualified thumbs up, that's not to say I like the style. I don't. I am spiky, cynical, irreligious and unsentimental. I cringe when Marla talks about "blessing the world" and "purple puddles" and her "DH". But here's the thing. This book works. I am not a Stepford wife - I'm a senior executive for a national organisation and I have no family at all, no parents, siblings, partner or children - not even a pet. Because I have absolutely no time for myself and no priorities apart from work, my house was utter chaos. Thanks to Marla Cilley it is now livable and I am able to have friends over without drowning in shame and am gradually reclaiming my life away from the office.
This book contains practical ideas that made me completely rethink my approach to my home. I am not cleaning out of moral duty or to please someone else, but because I deserve a nice place to live. The concept that it is better to do something imperfectly than never to start completely changed my thinking. And permission not to finish - to just do 15 minutes worth and stop - has made a huge difference to my life.
And while I don't like the syrupy stuff, I also suspect that someone without that homespun sweetness could not or would not have written this book and offered this help. So I am just grateful, and Marla can be as religious and as honeyed as she damn well likes, because I truly appreciate what this book has helped me do, and only an idiot throws out a rare gift because the wrapping doesn't suit them - particularly when it is genuinely well meant.
And to the patronising cow who can't believe people don't have time to throw out old toothpaste tubes - not everyone has as much free time as you do, and not everyone has the self-esteem necessary to put their own needs first. Clearly you are lucky enough to have plenty of both time and ego. Perhaps you can now invest in some insight to match.
Thanks, Marla, for your generosity and common sense.