She's Not the Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband

She's Not the Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband
by Helen Boyd

She's Not the Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband
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Book Summary Information

Author: Helen Boyd
Edition: Paperback
Audio: English (Original Language); English (Unknown); English (Published)
Published: 2007-01-25
ISBN: 1580051936
Number of pages: 280
Publisher: Seal Press
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Book Reviews of She's Not the Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband

Book Review: it's not the book I had hoped for
Summary: 3 Stars

I get it. Gender is variable. Next!

I really wanted to like this book. I have gender issues and I am not sure where they will end up, and I also have a wife who has her own anxieties about this. Reading the reviews of this book it would be a really good book to educate her (and me) about the trans issue and the ways in which partners are commonly affected by it. Now I don't want her anywhere near it. The book IS educational, and can be quite witty, but is also quite overwhelming, perhaps because so many issues are brought up all at once. The seven chapters promise different facets of this issue (social, biology, our experience, etc), but I struggle to recall how one was different from another. Many issues are covered throughout the book . . . but they are covered as an intertwined theme throughout the entire book instead of one at a time. If the themes were teased apart and presented in separate chapters, it would be far easier to take them onboard instead of constantly wondering what this repetition of "gender is a continuum" is supposed to be telling me that is different to the previous one? and the one before that? If the book fell apart into 3-4 page leaflets, we could get the entire message from any one leaflet

I also take issue, perhaps unfairly, with the usefulness of the text for others. I wanted myself and my partner to read this to gain insight into how being trans and/or TS may affect us and our marriage. I would hazard a guess that we are typical of the target audience, and the major reason for the book. However Helen and Betty's situation is far from typical. They both have hormonal issues that have made it somewhat easier to at least begin this part of their journey, and accept what it says about their own sexualities/genders. Betty is androgynous and never looked like a guy in a dress, doesn't need to hormones or surgery to pass. Helen is already open to gender variation. That's all fine - it's their life history and her story. But what of others (I hesitate to say "more typical") trans couples? What might we expect? There are offhand remarks here and there, usually distressing (all those separated trans women!), but no specific section (a chapter? There's a thought) on this area that deals with it comprehensively. A major absence since I would bet it is at the forefront of every readers mind.

Summary of She's Not the Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband

Helen Boyd's husband, who had long been open about being a cross-dresser, was considering living as a woman full time. Suddenly, Boyd was confronted with the reality of what it would mean if her husband were actually to become a woman ? socially, legally, and medically. Would Boyd love and desire her partner the same way?
Boyd's first book, My Husband Betty, explored the relationships of cross-dressing men and their partners. Now, She's Not the Man I Married is both a sequel and a more expansive examination of gender in relationships. It's for couples who are homosexual or heterosexual, and for readers who fall anywhere along the gender continuum.
As Boyd struggles to understand the nature of marriage, passion, and love, she shares her confusion and anger, providing a fascinating observation of the ways in which relationships are gendered, and how we cope, or don't, with the emotional and sexual pressures that gender roles can bring to our marriages and relationships.

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