She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders
by Jennifer Finney Boylan

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Book Reviews of She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders

Book Review: Loving Each Other Through The Biggest of Changes
Summary: 5 Stars

The former James Boylan knew he was a she for as long as he knew anything about such roles. He grew up thinking love was going to cure him, and he did fall in love, very happily. "Here at last we shall leave all of this and move onward with this new life, finally, miraculously, _healed_." He married, had two sons, and had his successful academic career. But he was not healed. At age forty, he determined that he would began his transition into a body that would match his inner gender. His wife, Grace, could not understand it; she accepted initially some of his cross-dressing (always remember, those who cross-dress are not necessarily those who feel they are in the wrong sex, nor is either category to be confused with homosexuality), but quite logically, she grieved for the prospective loss of the man she loved. Faced with his desire to make a biological change, Grace turns out to be a real heroine, and Boylan knows it; Boylan's love for her throughout the book is obvious. He was as open as he could be with his sons, assuring them that the change reflected no change in his love for them, and that such a change was rare and was not what they themselves were in for. In may ways, the change was hardest for his best friend, the novelist Rick Russo, who puts a moving afterword to the book, a tribute to their friendship, and a meditation on just how badly changes can go if you don't have friends around to help.

Eventually, Boylan, with Grace and Russo, goes to a surgeon who is one of the best in the business. After all, Boylan joked to Russo, "If you're in the market for new genitalia, you really don't want to shop in the bargain basement." Dr. Schrang promised as a goal that he would make her "sensate, mucosal and orgasmic," and the surgery seems to have managed all three. The three friends got through it. Boylan and Grace are still married, and still want to be, although one of the curiosities of the situation is that if now they wished to marry, they could not. There are times in this comic memoir, full of irony and gender puzzles, when the value of friendship shines brilliantly through in a deeply moving way. Let me give the last word to Grace, whom Boylan hears on the phone, telling someone, "Whatever else you say about my husband, she's a remarkable woman."

Summary of She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders

The exuberant memoir of a man named James who became a woman named Jenny.

She?s Not There is the story of a person changing genders, the story of a person bearing and finally revealing a complex secret; above all, it is a love story.
By turns funny and deeply moving, Jennifer Finney Boylan explores the remarkable territory that lies between men and women, examines changing friendships, and rejoices in the redeeming power of family. She?s Not There is a portrait of a loving marriage?the love of James for his wife, Grace, and, against all odds, the enduring love of Grace for the woman who becomes her ?sister,? Jenny.
To this extraordinary true story, Boylan brings the humorous, fresh voice that won her accolades as one of the best comic novelists of her generation. With her distinctive and winning perspective, She?s Not There explores the dramatic outward changes and unexpected results of life as a woman: Jenny fights the urge to eat salad, while James consumed plates of ribs; gone is the stability of ?one damn mood, all the damn time.?
While Boylan?s own secret was unusual, to say the least, she captures the universal sense of feeling uncomfortable, out of sorts with the world, and misunderstood by her peers. Jenny is supported on her journey by her best friend, novelist Richard Russo, who goes from begging his friend to ?Be a man? (in every sense of the word) to accepting her as an attractive, buoyant woman. ?The most unexpected thing,? Russo writes in his Afterword to the book, ?is in how Jenny?s story we recognize our shared humanity.?
As James evolves into Jennifer in scenes that are by turns tender, startling, and witty, a marvelously human perspective emerges on issues of love, sex, and the fascinating relationship between our physical and our intuitive selves. Through the clear eyes of a truly remarkable woman, She?s Not There provides a new window on the often confounding process of accepting ourselves.

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