Real Boys : Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood
by William Pollack
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Book Summary Information
Author: William PollackForeword: Mary Pipher
Edition: Paperback
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 1999-04
ISBN: 0805061835
Number of pages: 480
Publisher: Owl Books
Accessories:
- Health o Meter HDC100-01 "Grow with Me" Teddy Bear Scale for Babies and Toddlers
- Braun IRT 4020 ThermoScan Ear Thermometer
Book Reviews of Real Boys : Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood
Book Review: Useful Insights and Advice for Parents and Teachers
Summary: 5 Stars
Harvard psychologist William Pollack's "Real Boys" is meant to complement "Reviving Ophelia" (the author Mary Pipher wrote an introduction to the book), the book that started another scaremongering industry to convince parents that their very worst fears of their child's emotional health are true. "Real Boys" owes much to "Reviving Ophelia," including the structure and how the author uses examples to explain general points. But "Real Boys" is a far superior work. First, unlike "Reviving Ophelia" which I felt discussed a marginalized population of girls, "Real Boys" gives examples from a broad spectrum of boys so Mr. Pollack offers a more comprehensive, mainstream, and accurate state of reality for boys in America. Second, I thought the examples were well-chosen in that they clarified the author's arguments. And third, the author offers helpful insights and constructive advice that educators and parents could implement.
"Real Boys" argues quite convincingly that schools and society, parents and adults give boys contradictory messages on what it means to be "manly," and that internal conflict is tearing boys apart: they need to be sensitive and politically correct, yet they need to follow the "Boy Code" of being stoic and silent, aggressive and risk-taking. Teachers and parents ought to be more tolerant and understanding of the empathy and sensitivity inherent in boys, and accept the individuality of boys. As it is, adults are annoyed and frustrated by boys because they succumb to the stereotypical view of boys as trouble-makers and hell-raisers (the author believes that we too quickly prescribe Ritalin), but when boys behave otherwise they can't accept this either: the author gives a hilarious and poignant example of two boys who embrace each other lovingly, and their teacher interprets this as fighting and sends them to the principal's office.
That said, there are genuine differences between boys and girls. Boys like to express their emotions through action, and they're interested in reading and discussing different topics than girls but our teachers have been instructed to favor girls over boys in classroom discussion. The author points out how boys tend to be the very best students, but also tend to be the very worst: boys are struggling in the school system, but when they're segregated in their own class with a good male role model who empathizes with them boys perform well academically. And boys love sports because it permits them to be their true emotional selves without any social stigma. Fathers are of course the most important individuals in boys' lives, and the author points out how rough-housing prepares boys emotionally for the world.
The author's most important contribution is to equip teachers and parents with a smart strategy on how to converse with boys: discuss the topic without blame or anger, understand that the boy needs time for himself to silently think about the topic, and then engage in an activity where the boy might feel comfortable discussing the topic. When dealing with boys, adults need patience, compassion, understanding, and empathy: they need to understand the world of boys, and be equipped with a language that connects with boys.
I agreed with everything in the book, and was truly impressed with and amazed by Mr. Pollack's compassion and love. But there's also something absurdly idealistic about Mr. Pollack's suggestions for adults. It'd be nice if all mothers could be supportive and nurturing, fathers could be great role models, and teachers empathic and understanding (then the world would all be at peace), but if children can mess up then why can't adults?
Mary Pipher has already written a best-seller called "Reviving Ophelia," and in "Real Boys" William Pollack uses the Hamlet conceit to argue that boys are just as miserable and threatened as girls. Sooner or later, some author will write a book called "Accepting Polonius" or "Forgiving Claudius." I think it's just too much to expect parents to create a safe and happy sanctuary for their children, and psychologists need to have a far more realistic and reasonable understanding of human nature. Boys are just responding to the world around them, but so are adults.
No one can be perfect, and parents will do a lot of things to annoy and anger, hurt and tarnish their children. Mr. Pollack's best and most sincere advice is for parents to accept their own limitations, and having the courage to confront, accept, and discuss their own weakness and mistakes will equip boys with an emotional vocabulary to confront their own issues.
Summary of Real Boys : Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood
Featuring a new preface by the author on how parents can make a difference.
With author appearances on Good Morning America, The Today Show, 20 /20 and NPR's Fresh Air, and featuring articles in Newsweek, Time, and The New York Times, Real Boys is one of the most talked-about and influential books published this year.
Based on William Pollack's groundbreaking research at Harvard Medical School over two decades, Real Boys explores why many boys are sad, lonely, and confused although they may appear tough, cheerful, and confident. Pollack challenges conventional expectations about manhood and masculinity that encourage parents to treat boys as little men, raising them through a toughening process that drives their true emotions underground. Only when we understand what boys are really like, says Pollack, can we help them develop more self-confidence and the emotional savvy they need to deal with issues such as depression, love and sexuality, drugs and alcohol, divorce, and violence.
With author appearances on Good Morning America, The Today Show, 20 /20 and NPR's Fresh Air, and featuring articles in Newsweek, Time, and The New York Times, Real Boys is one of the most talked-about and influential books published this year.
Based on William Pollack's groundbreaking research at Harvard Medical School over two decades, Real Boys explores why many boys are sad, lonely, and confused although they may appear tough, cheerful, and confident. Pollack challenges conventional expectations about manhood and masculinity that encourage parents to treat boys as little men, raising them through a toughening process that drives their true emotions underground. Only when we understand what boys are really like, says Pollack, can we help them develop more self-confidence and the emotional savvy they need to deal with issues such as depression, love and sexuality, drugs and alcohol, divorce, and violence.
Listening to the author William Pollack read Real Boys, it doesn't take long to find out that being a boy these days isn't all fun and games. As codirector of the Center for Men at McLean Hospital/Harvard Medical Center, Pollack has seen behind the stoic masks of troubled, modern boys as they struggle to cope with the mixed messages, conflicting expectations, and increasingly complex demands they receive from our evolving society. "New research shows that boys are faring less well ... that many boys have remarkably fragile self-esteem, and that the rates of both depression and suicide in boys are frighteningly on the rise."
What are parents to do? They could start by listening to the author's thoughts on contemporary child-rearing techniques, analysis of the root causes of many male behavior problems, and recommendations for avoiding all-too-common pitfalls. In Real Boys, Pollack draws upon nearly two decades of research to support his theories and makes an impressive assault on the popular myths surrounding the conventional definition of masculinity.
While listening to Real Boys, it is important to remember that Pollack is a psychologist, not a professional narrator. His enunciation is less than perfect and his reading sometimes strikes a clinical tone, but his intelligent writing and the obvious concern he holds for this important subject help carry a passionate message and compensate for any vocal shortcomings. (Running time: three hours, two cassettes) --George Laney
Mental Health Books
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