Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys
by Dan Kindlon, Michael Thompson

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Book Summary Information

• ISBN13: 9780345434852
• Condition: New
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Book Reviews of Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys

Book Review: packed with insight
Summary: 5 Stars

The authors have such a positive (and thoroughly realistic) view of the energy, vulnerability, risk-taking, and even mischief, of boys. They show how vast the impact of parents, teachers, and peers can be on boys who are wrestling with the contradictions of adolescence: Boys must not be "sissy," but they still need love and support. Boys must not be "obnoxious" in the classroom, but they still need to stretch their limbs more than school recesses allow. Boys must not be "disrespectful" to authority, but they are driven to achieve autonomy.

There are quite a few examples of teen boys who are getting in trouble of various kinds, and the authors offer poignant insight from the boys themselves about the feelings that drive the trouble-making. But the book also speaks to how we raise infant, preschool, and pre-teen boys.

The authors also point out that many boys often receive very little emotional education from their parents or other authorities. One anecdote they tell is of a scary situation in which Michael, one of the authors, was tempted to follow the cultural "script" and say to his son, "You weren't scared, were you, buddy?" Instead he chose to say, "That was a little scary, wasn't it?" To which his son replied, "No, Dad, that was very scary." Yes, boys have feelings - and that does not make them wimps. After all, courage is action in the face of fear!

In the companion chapters on the roles of fathers and mothers, this book gently explores what parenting can achieve at its best. These chapters are exceptionally approachable, and they offer specific suggestions for parents who want to better relate to their boys. The authors talk about how mothers nurture children's sense of self, while fathers challenge their kids to try new things. Fathers face a unique challenge in trying to treat their sons as young men without dropping into the male pattern of competition or jockeying for power. But when fathers offer acceptance and challenge simultaneously, sons are free to explore and excel. And mothers, ideally, offer their sons a "home base" of security and love, bountiful in empathy and emotional insight.

Most of all, the authors continually challenge parents and teachers to help boys figure things out. Boys need encouragement, emotional insight, and freedom to explore as they reach for maturity. Particularly in its anecdotes (some from school and some from home contexts), this book gives so many examples of great ways to help boys through their rites of passage.

I feel better able to raise my son in a healthy manner after reading this insightful book.

PS - If you have ever wondered whether talking about feelings is the "psychologist's answer" to problems, rather than a real man's answer to problems, read this book. The authors actually manage to strike a balance between the need to be "manly" and the need for boys to express a greater range of feelings. They express respect for the times that men choose to be silent. And they explain why sometimes men might like to be free to say more.

Summary of Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys

Emotions Books

• Books > Subjects > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Mental Health
• Psychology & Counseling
• Parenting & Relationships > Parenting