Prude: How the Sex-Obsessed Culture Damages Girls (and America, Too!)
by Carol Platt Liebau
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Book Summary Information
Author: Carol Platt LiebauEdition: Hardcover
Published: 2007-11-02
ISBN: 1599956837
Number of pages: 320
Publisher: Center Street
Book Reviews of Prude: How the Sex-Obsessed Culture Damages Girls (and America, Too!)
Book Review: Disappointed and left wanting...
Summary: 2 Stars
For purposes of clarity, and in order to dispel the assertions of comments directed at several other consumers posted here, I have indeed read this book, cover to cover. And no, I am not an idiot. In fact, I suspect that anyone who uses such unattractive epithets toward a person speaking her or his mind has no real evidence or background to rebut in an intelligent and appropriate manner. If anyone reading this review is thusly inclined, you may want to save time and stop reading now, as your words will not deter me from my opinion, nor will they cause me to question my intelligence.
I consider most of my political and moral views to be on the liberal side, but I agree that our culture is sex-obsessed and that our future generations are suffering as a result. Therefore, I picked up Ms. Liebau's book in the hopes of finding deep analysis and optimistic resolutions. Upon completion of the book, I was very disheartened. I did not expect exaggerated nostalgia for a time when women were just as much sex objects as they are now, only for different reasons.
During the "Golden Age" that the author refers to, women were wives, mistresses, or spinsters, and much of the time none of those were desirable roles. Media creations were also just as obscene, in a different way. Magazine articles listed ways in which to be a good wife, which included not asking questions when your husband comes home late, or not at all. Television shows rarely depicted women as anything other than doting housewife and mother who had minimal input to the important matters of the household.
In the real world, working women were limited to mainly secretarial, housekeeping, or childcare positions, where sexual harassment by their male superiors was rampant, assumed, and ignored by higher authorities. Women were often expected to perform sexual favors for promotions or raises, or merely to keep the boss happy. In the home, sex was considered the wifely duty, as marital rape was not illegal, and birth control was nearly impossible to receive, especially without her husband's permission. Women who were bred to be wives were often not taught the intricacies of sex and intimacy, thus rendering a wife dependent on her husband's tutelage. Many men sought relationships outside of the marriage in order to have their more obscure desires fulfilled by more "knowledgeable" women.
A woman had no opportunity to decide that marriage and children were actual ambitions; conventional family life was already on the map the day she was born a girl. And to have a career and a family was simply out of the question. Any attempts to remedy an unhappy marriage or to avoid a fate they did not want was met with disdain by men and women alike. Divorcees were pariahs, and single women of a certain age were either ignored or looked upon as sad and unfortunate. The shame and taboo surrounding sex and talk about sex kept many victims of sexual harassment, assault, and abuse quiet. Thus, an untold number of predators went unseen and unpunished.
I agree that changes need to be made, in the direction of both women and men recognizing the value of committed relationships that entail both enjoyable and healthy sex as well as honesty, communication, and equality. In truth, and what Ms. Liebau fails to mention, is that good relationships are the responsibility of both partners. Any liability placed with men, according to her, is negated by women who don't value themselves and thereby "[breed] in men a lack of respect for women in general." There can't be much respect present to begin with, if sex is the primary focus of men, as the author claims, and as indicated by her research detailing the enormous number of times men claim to be thinking about sex daily.
Men are cited as being biologically different from women in ways that cause their uncontrollable sexual urges, just waiting to be satisfied by any willing (i.e., "easy") woman, and that such women are predators bred by the evils of contemporary feminism. The author takes for granted that women are intrinsically more emotional and more likely to seek love and affection, than men, who are inherently sexual in nature. The only scientific evidence I could find in the book for this assertion was that men have "ten to one hundred times more testosterone" than women. That's it? No brain scans, no longitudinal or cross-cultural studies? No accounting for the difference in socialization between girls and boys? Men may be just as emotional and attached as women, and just as intent on finding commitment and happiness- they may just be more apt to follow in the stream of machismo they have witnessed as boys and have grown to believe is expected and desirable. I would have liked to read a chapter or two on how the sexualized culture damages our boys as well, and not because girls have "forced" them to accept easy sex in lieu of committed relationships.
Women and girls objectify themselves today, as they have been (and still are) objectified by men, and it's still all our fault? Okay, so some feminists got it wrong when they insisted that we could liberate ourselves with free love and the result was free sex. But they meant well. They were angry and frustrated, as I have been, at the way women have been treated, and how many still prefer to be treated because of the false security it offers. Free love was meant to be a way to wake women from the slumber of unhappy relationships, personal and professional, and shake up society in a way to grab attention for the cause of equality. Some women may still insist that they are perfectly happy being single, or unmarried and involved, or any other number of situations that don't include marriage. I take their words for it. After all, who am I, or anyone else, to assume that I know better?
That said, I do agree that many women are mainly looking for happiness, love, affection, stability, romance, and commitment, or any one or a combination of these or others. I think that over time we have tried many methods of figuring out how to get those things, and many of us have failed. We're not sure what is expected of us, and socialization, instinct, and experience are all pulling us in different directions sometimes. What we're seeing in history and at present is women trying to find how we may fit in equally, with the only expectations set in place are the ones we also find acceptable.
Feminists have tried to use sex as a manipulator, much as the author suggests we all use virginity, in order to receive the genuine affection we crave. They're both mistaken. The focus of remedy for our oversexed culture cannot be focused simply on girls and women, and their sexual power (or lack thereof). It must also come down on the shoulders of our boys and men, and how we teach them to treat the opposite sex- neither as delicate flowers needing protection, nor as objects waiting to satisfy any sexual (or other) whim they may have, but as equals who deserve respect and consideration, incidentally the same things that they should also expect in return.
As part of a team effort, we need to place value on education and respecting others' intelligence and opinions. We need to find interest in things that will increase our inherent value, such as world events, humanitarianism, art, and spirituality, to name a few. We need to find within ourselves the love and affection that we seek from others, and the confidence to accept who we are, as we are. Only then may we find true attraction and the appeal of those who have similar values, rather than thinking we can experience the gift of love from merely physical expression. And only when we can display these healthfully as examples for our children will they follow suit.
Summary of Prude: How the Sex-Obsessed Culture Damages Girls (and America, Too!)
Political analyst and commentator Carol Platt Liebau takes a hard look at the pervasiveness of sex in today's culture and the havoc it wreaks on young people.Popular Culture Books
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