Positive Discipline
by Jane Nelsen Ed.D.
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Book Summary Information
Author: Jane Nelsen Ed.D.Brand: Random House
Edition: Paperback
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 2006-05-30
ISBN: 0345487672
Number of pages: 384
Publisher: Ballantine Books
Book Reviews of Positive Discipline
Book Review: Winning Children Over Rather than Winning Over Children
Summary: 5 Stars
In his 1923 classic, How to Love a Child, Janusz Korczak warned against relying on manuals when raising children; rather, the adult should listen and be attuned to both the children at hand and maintain an awareness of what it means and how it feels to be a child - in short, the ability to use one's empathy and moral sense to understand the life of the child by being able to see the world from a child's perspective.
Of the many books on "discipline," a very important part of loving, teaching, and raising children, Positive Discipline is one of the better books out there, in that it espouses a basic philosophy of treating children - people - with respect and dignity, and maintaining a faith in the underlying goodness of children, just as child advocates such as Jane Addams, Janusz Korczak, and Robert Coles advocated so long ago. Positive Discipline is based on the teachings of two prominent psychiatrists, Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs. The book, however, does not seem to adhere strongly to Adler's belief that one should know as much as possible about each child, as each child is unique. A strong point of Positive Discipline is that it encourages using intrinsic rather than extrinsic motivation, much as Alfie Kohn does in his controversial treatises (though Kohn has expressed a strong disdain for much of Dreikurs's philosophy).
Central to the book's theme is that when dealing with children, one should take a position of cooperation and mutual respect. Shared responsibility is more effective than authoritarian control; after all, one of the strongest needs is that of belonging, a view shared by Abraham Maslow and Larry Bedentro in their respective writings.
Positive Discipline is useful for working with all kinds of children, even those with emotional handicaps, as it takes the approach that one must work with children to find a solution to a problem. This belief is based on seven core principles in the book:
* The child is capable of coping and finding a solution
* The child is an important part of a primary relationship
* The child has control over what happens to him or her
* The child should cultivate strong intrapersonal skills
* The child should cultivate strong interpersonal skills
* The child should be able to respond to the limits and limitations of everyday life
* The child needs strong judgment and moral skills.
In short, the aim of Positive Discipline is "winning children over" rather than "winning over children." Misbehavior on the part of the child should be dealt with logical consequences - solutions, not retribution. The logical consequences should offer the child time for reflection. Punishment, on the other hand, leads one or a combination of the following: resentment, revenge, rebellion, or retreat; it does nothing to teach responsibility - or in the words of Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, "the ethics of responsibility."
Why do children act out? Misbehavior can result from one of four "mistaken goals":
* Attention - The need to be noticed, whether through positive or negative means
* Power - A feeling that the child has no control over his or her destiny
* Revenge - A need to get back at an adult the child perceives as a threat
* Assumed inadequacy - The feeling on the part of the child that he or she is incapable of dealing with the situation.
It is important for the adult to understand each child and deal with the problem within the correct context, in other words, as Korczak advocated, getting into the child's world. Positive acts should be met with encouragement instead of praise, as Kohn advocates, with the goal that the child will be able to function well on his or her own in the future. Here lies the book's greatest strength.
Summary of Positive Discipline
For twenty-five years, Positive Discipline has been the gold standard reference for grown-ups working with children. Now Jane Nelsen, distinguished psychologist, educator, and mother of seven, has written a revised and expanded edition. The key to positive discipline is not punishment, she tells us, but mutual respect. Nelsen coaches parents and teachers to be both firm and kind, so that any child?from a three-year-old toddler to a rebellious teenager?can learn creative cooperation and self-discipline with no loss of dignity. Inside you?ll discover how to? bridge communication gaps
? defuse power struggles
? avoid the dangers of praise
? enforce your message of love
? build on strengths, not weaknesses
? hold children accountable with their self-respect intact
? teach children not what to think but how to think
? win cooperation at home and at school
? meet the special challenge of teen misbehavior
?It is not easy to improve a classic book, but Jane Nelson has done so in this revised edition. Packed with updated examples that are clear and specific, Positive Discipline shows parents exactly how to focus on solutions while being kind and firm. If you want to enrich your relationship with your children, this is the book for you.?
?Sal Severe, author of How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too!
Millions of children have already benefited from the counsel in this wise and warmhearted book, which features dozens of true stories of positive discipline in action. Give your child the tools he or she needs for a well-adjusted life with this proven treasure trove of practical advice.
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