Not Without My Daughter by Betty Mahmoody, William Hoffer
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Book Reviews of Not Without My Daughter
Book Review: Fabulous book
Summary: 5 Stars
The "Reader in the West" should read more carefully, especially coming from "an investigative background."Mahmoody pointed out that Tehran was a huge city. When she was at home, she was watched constantly.
Once beyond the reaches of family, however, she met many sympathetic people, such as the women at her daughter's school. (Family members also had their moments of sympathy, especially as her husband proved himself to be unstable.)
The women at the school followed Mahmoody's husband's instructions, and would not let her use their phone, but told her that they would not tell him if she came late, or left early -- or perhaps didn't come at all.
So she was able, at times, to sneak away, when the husband thought she was sitting in the school's office, waiting for her daughter every day from 8 a.m. to noon. (Because the little girl became hysterical at being left there alone.)
That gave Mahmoody the opportunity to get to the Swiss Embassy, with its American Interest Section. The people there replaced her passport for her. No inconsistancy -- perhaps you missed it because you weren't reading with an open mind.
Why does it matter that Betty had older children? Is this along the same lines as rape victims deserve it if they aren't virgins?
And why do you find it suspicious that Mahmoody became friends with a shopkeeper, who allowed her to use his phone -- because she wasn't allowed to use the phone at home?
I'm not sure what the previous reviewer was talking about in regard to gardens, or her being in men's homes. I finished the book half an hour ago, and don't recall such a thing -- unless it's the safe house she went to at the very end, after she escaped.
Her husband suffered the fate of most tyrants -- he couldn't trust Betty, because he had lied to her, beaten and bullied her. And yet he couldn't watch her every moment. He hoped she would love him despite the way he had treated her -- thinking that because she was a woman, rules of common decency didn't apply. And they don't, by and large, in Muslim countries.
Mahmoody shows very clearly the misery that comes when laws are gender specific -- one law for men, another for women. Both the oppressor and the oppressed suffer. The book is a warning for anyone who thinks that might be a good idea.
Laws must protect people without regard to their sex, race or religion.
My only quibble with the book is why Mahmoody chose to wait until near the end to explain why she went to Iran. At last, she reveals that she had considered divorcing her husband back in the United States, had even gone to a lawyer to discuss this. The lawyer pointed out that her husband would be granted visitation, and that the courts would would have allowed him to take their little girl to Iran without mom. Mahmoody figured better to go with, so that if the worst happened, she'd be there. As it turned out, that's exactly how it went.
Part of why this book is so compelling is the fact that Mahmoody reveals herself to be very fallable. She doesn't always make the right choices.
Mahmoody has without a doubt saved lives with the book, which was her intent.
It's not safe to marry someone from a culture that doesn't accord women human rights.
Book Review: A human tragedy
Summary: 5 Stars
Betty, happily married to an Iranian, Moody, is convinced by him to have a wonderful two-week-vacation in Iran, during the war! This happened in the early 80s when Iran had turned to an islamistic society. It is important to see the difference between islamic and islamistic, where the former is about the religion, the later about conservative hard-line fanatic politics blended with religion. The husband changes during his stay, he changes from a very Westernised man, open-minded, secular to a very islamistic one. Betty does pinpoint retrospectively that she had felt some signals coming from Moody even when living in US.
They have a daughter and the dictatorial decision by the husband to stay for ever in Iran - which Betty afterwards concludes never was supposed to be two-week-stay ... - makes Betty's life even more difficult. Because their daughter has to live in a strong misogynic (anti-woman) society, where women are pushed back in the homes. All this is only a tiny bit of what Betty has to experience in a country. Moody abuses Betty physically and psychologially during her imprisonment in Iran.
Well of course, the book is not only about being kidnapped and forced to integrate into the society and the culture, it is also a fight for freedom, to find a way back home to US. The book emphasises the motherhood, thereby the title, but it is also a book about how human rights, women's rights, and how a 24-hours-flight can change everything you thought was natural: to speak up, to be independent, to work and earn your living, to have the same respect as your husband. Of course there are men who rape, kill, butcher and abuse women in our Western world, but nothing in our society legitimise it, only tradition and disgusting sayings like "a no is a yes ..." but nothing in our constitution or laws permit violence against women and children, nor men, in anyway -TODAY (not for 50 years ago though).
The style of the book is wonderful, you feel the atmosphere, the fear, the pain and this urge of just leaving everything and flee. I think if an Iranian would read it, s/he would feel a bit sad about how the people is pictured in the book, the adjectives used are very close to the way the Amerindians or the Afroamericans were pictured during the horrible years of slavery and persecutions. Maybe it is Betty's anger and pain against her former husband and his family that comes up, because not every Iranian is pictured like an animal. There are those who help Betty, who are westernised and secular. I don't mind it, it is a biography and I would not call it racist, rather prejorative. All Iranians are pictured as islamists.
Read it, cause it is important to see how people live in today's modern world. The book is about dictatorial states who base their regimes on religions, Spain did it as late as the 80s and Iran and some of the Middle Eastern countries do it today. But new tides come even in these countries - hopefully.
Book Review: Be glad you live in Amerca!!!
Summary: 5 Stars
I will be as objective as I can be on this book. I also saw the movie when it first came out. I lived in another country for a short time over 20 years ago. At the time, I thought there were double standards there. I was also naive enough back then to marry an from an Eastern Country. He was also a doctor. I was quite young at the time and I married against everyone's disapproval. When I married him, I thought I had it made. Little did know I would go through so much mental torture for an indefinite period. We did well when we were living with his parents. As soon as we came here, I saw his other side or should I say his true colors! He had never been in this country and he only got here because of my family sponsoring him. It just became a game of use and emotional abuse for him. I got torn away from my own family for a long time because of him just like Betty lost communication with her family because of her abusive husband. I have been free of this person for many years now. The only reason I hung on as long as I did is because I take wedding wows very seriously. Please don't get me wrong, His country people are nice just like everyone else, but some of the husbands' attitude with women have a lot to be desired.
When I saw what happens in Iran, I felt that this other country's rules are much more tame. I mean there is no comparision. The other country's rules are very lenient by Iranian standards. This whole Purda business is for the birds as far as I am concerned and the fact that Betty was a Christian and not a Muslim makes it totally unnessary. It is not just in Iran that women are treated as subcitizens, it is in the other Mideast countries as well. I had to read Princess Sultana's Daughters for a course I took and it was just plain sick. Even Saudi Royalty women get abused and they are treated like doormats. From what I read, it is not Mohammed who decided that women are less than men, it is the men who decided that.
I don't give any cultural excuse for Betty's husband for the fact that he changed upon reaching Iran. Essie tried her best to make the situation more livable for Betty. To me, it makes no sense that Betty's husband was great to her when they were here and then over in Iran, he slaps her and beats her and threatens her. I have a lot of admiration for the gentleman who tries to help Betty. Betty showed a lot of bravery on her part.
This true account makes me wonder about the girls I knew who got involved with Iranian guys they knew back in college. I hope this did not happen to them. I lost touch with these girls because as you see I had my own story going on. These girls were dating these guys during the revolution and they did not like what was happening in their country.
When you read this book, you will just be glad that you are here and not in the Mideast.
Book Review: OSR Review - Kira Hessekiel
Summary: 5 Stars
When I chose to read "Not Without My Daughter" for my second outside reading novel, I had been told it was "good" by several people. However, as an avid reader, I've learned that a good book in the eyes of one person may be awful for another. I picked it up with an open mind, but after only a few pages, I couldn't put it down. With an exciting and twisting story, and descriptive language that shows just how real Betty's story is, my expectations were blown clear out of the water.
One of the aspects of this novel that kept me enthralled is its amazing and painful descriptions of Betty and Mahtob's life in Iran. Although Moody's relatives are part of a "wealthy" Iranian family, their food is often infested with bugs, and they have no sense of personal hygiene. Betty's emotions are vividly portrayed as she watches almost all of her escape plans fall through and sees her life disintegrate around her. Through the authors' words, Betty and Mahtob's struggle to maintain hope and sanity is shown in a realistic manner which most writers cannot fully achieve.
The only part of this book I didn't adore was the many flashbacks to life in America. Though some of them were interesting, overall they simply interrupted the flow of the story, and were sometimes confusing. For example, there is one flashback towards the end of the novel that takes the reader all the way back to four years before Betty, Moody and Mahtob leave for Iran. It is long, a bit pointless, and disrupts the smooth sequence of the words.
Betty Mahmoody and William Hoffer together make an amazing writing team. Their language has the ability to paint astounding pictures of Betty's life in Iran, infusing information about Iranian culture in with the telling of everyday life. Through the pen of the two authors, this compelling story is relived for all readers to see, filled with the suspense that can only come with a well-told true story.
Something that truly amazed me about Betty Mahmoody was her perserverence. If I had to go through the same terrible ordeal as she, I'm not sure I would be able to keep my wits about me to extent that Betty does, if at all. The story gave me a greater appreciation for the freedoms I enjoy everyday: wearing clothes that I choose, being independent, even eating fresh and healthy foods. Betty's will for liberation is truly inspiring, and I believe it shall inspire me to fight my rights and the rights of others in the future.
Book Review: Other reviewers seem to ignore
Summary: 5 Stars
Some of the reviews of this book seem to ignore Mahmoody's frequent positive narrative about the many Iranian people who meet and befriend her during her nightmare, including the man who put his life on the line to help her escape. In addition, she clearly implies that other families do not necessarily treat their women the way her husband's family does. Only very simplistic people would extrapolate her experience and apply it to all Iranians -- it is plain that her husband had some serious problems that were particular to him, which were aggravated by a cultural and familial environment that tolerated (and, it seemed at least at times, regretted) his bad behavior. Something else other reviewers have glossed over is Mahmoody's interesting way of melding Islam into her personal faith. She seems very aware that Islam and the Iranian people had much good to offer her.This author writes eloquently about freedom of spirit -- not just her own, but that of so many of the people around her. That freedom flourishes, even in a culture where she was not "free" in the way that Americans understand it. Attacking this book as racist is unjust -- it is the true account of a terrible experience. It is also the true account of a very real error -- the error Betty made in choosing to accompany a man she already knew to be increasingly unstable to a country whose culture can let a male lacking in self-control violate the basic ideology of Islam. I don't mean to apologize for Iran or Islam -- the country admittedly has far to go in legislation to protect women, and radical zealots can transform _any_ religion into a justification for repressing women. Her book does not say that Iran or Islam is all bad, despite those realities, but rather provokes thought on the nature of difference and the function of the cultural filters we all have, which color our interpretations of facts.
PS: I did not perceive Mahmoody's descriptions of the lack of sanitation in the country as anything other than a combination of the realities of third world infrastructure and culture clash. I don't think she meant it to be racist, it was just part of the jarring experience of living in a new world.