Lucky: A Memoir
by Alice Sebold
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Book Summary Information
Author: Alice SeboldEdition: Paperback
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 2002-09
ISBN: 0316096199
Number of pages: 272
Publisher: Back Bay Books
Product features:
- ISBN13: 9780316096195
- Condition: New
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Book Reviews of Lucky: A Memoir
Book Review: Just the Truth, Folks...
Summary: 5 Stars
Alice Siebold's memoir of her rape at Syracuse University in 1981 is a cautionary tale of the unanticipated consequences of violent sexual assault. In precise prose Siebold chronicles the subtle losses that accrue in the mind of a rape victim to a point where the victim actually experiences a loss of the Self so catastrophic that the conflicted emotional state can best be compared to that of war survivors. Sadly, for soldiers as well as victims of rape, the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that ensues is a war between the conflicting aspects of the personality: the innocent victim who never asked for her fate and the fearful, angry, disillusioned survivor who strives to deal with the consequent psychological disequilibrium. This hyper vigilant state - the survivor's legacy - means that the victims of war and rape experience difficulty falling and remaining asleep, have an unusually intense reactivity to sudden, unexpected noise, and generally experience a pronounced alteration of their nervous systems as a result of the trauma. Thus, one could argue that the survivor is hardly "lucky," as Alice Siebold was told after her rape, having lost not only her innocence but her peace of mind as well as her very identity. Siebold details a journey to recovery that is arduous, emotionally painful and never over. One lives the aftermath of such violence forever, without respite.
Siebold writes acclaimed dark literary fiction with unparalleled grace ("The Lovely Bones" and "The Almost Moon"). Perhaps the experiences detailed in this memoir provided the emotional depth for her to do so. Whatever reason, she has an uncanny grasp of man's dark side, and it serves her well in her fiction. Her memoir describes an emotionally isolated childhood in a home of intellectuals who maintained a calculated distance from their children and each other. Her father, a Ph.D from Princeton and professor at Penn, was a workaholic who retreated to his study to translate Spanish classics and lived for his summer conferences sans family abroad. Emotional expression was anathema to him, even when his frustrated daughter demanded he show some affection toward his wife upon departure for his annual escape to Spain. Siebold's mother, educated in an elite school, was subject to "flaps" -- disorderly, painfully debilitating emotional meltdowns resulting from anxiety. For years, she was an alcoholic until she managed to end her dependency. Although the Siebold house was full of books and both daughters were well read and intelligent, family discussions were sadly lacking. The daughters had difficulty speaking to their parents or each other and instead withdrew to their respective rooms for solace. Both girls were virgins, subscribing to a code of personal ethics that precluded their giving away their chastity and thereby being held hostage to male demands or an adolescent desire for popularity. That both girls were idealistic in that sense is particularly revealing; both were steeped in classical literature, their lives formed by the information and romance of books. In fact, one of Alice's boyfriends was a Cervantes devote', seeing in her suffering after the rape his own version of Dulcinea while mimicking Quixote in the process of courting her.
Particularly interesting is that after the rape, Siebold's father could no longer fail to recognize his obligation to his daughter; he had to accept the emotional responsibility of acknowledging her plight as well as acknowledging the inhumanity of others. He is compelled to assume the levity of parenthood. Although he manages to avoid some of the responsibilities of the father of a rape victim during aspects of the trial, he cannot escape all of them. In the end both parents are tainted by the crime; nevertheless, they are obligated to be there for her. For them there is no alcohol, no study to disappear into, no coping mechanism nor mental illness that can cushion them from the reality of Alice's plight. Distant though he is, her father ultimately grasps the Phyrric victory his daughter achieved in the trial process even if her hard won effort is incapable of being fully understood by one so imprisoned by his intellectuality and aloofness.
One of the worst aspects of Siebold's victimhood was the sense that she, along with all others who'd been raped, was a freak and would always remain so. People didn't know what to say to her. They were insensitive to her needs and for the most part chose to withdraw from her rather than deal with her suffering. This meant that she was the subject of scrutiny without the necessary emotional support. To counteract this, she insisted on retrieving out of the ashes of her personal suffering the benchmark experiences of the modern coed: having boyfriends, experimenting with sex and drinking, and enjoying the social status of a student writer and intellectual. As she stubbornly clung to the possibility of resuming a normal life, she didn't realize that she was escaping in the pat ways survivors do: through drugs, through alcohol, through playing victim in announcing her rape through her own poetry, and through informing her mentors and others of her plight. She returned to Syracuse in the fall and sought out her old friends and reclaimed her literary opportunities in an attempt to achieve some kind of normality.
Finally, she takes charge of her fate when she glimpses her assailant. At this point, she experiences the full extent of survivor's rage. She allows the rage to fuel her vengeance and gains some satisfaction from that endeavor. Yet she cannot escape the sense of freakishness that is part of her acquired identity. She has migraines. Her sexual experiences are unsatisfactory and increase her sense of victimhood. Her friends find her difficult since she is unable to refrain from discussing the rape. At one point she composes a poem to achieve a catharsis and it has a disastrous result. Her poet mentor refers to that tragedy as related to "this poetry thing," as if the poetic expression of one's trauma is merely a door that opens up all the unpleasant experiences of suffering humanity -- a vile Pandora's Box. The "poetry thing" is the communication of sordid thoughts; poetry fuels the bleakest of truths.
As the years progress Siebold realizes that her life has spun out of control. She is taking heroin and remaining with a man she doesn't respect. She becomes a teacher and as such is privy to stories of diverse women. She studies up on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and reads materials she avoided when she pursued a normal life. At last she seeks the truth, and she finds it in the stories of the ordinary women she teaches. As their teacher she achieves a life purpose as well as the psychological strength she yearns for. Earlier she had lamented, "I wanted to be better, but I didn't know how." She realizes she was depressed then, but now she can act because she has come to an understanding of something that once derailed her. This speaks to the validity of truth. As had her mentor, the aging military veteran at the writers' retreat she attended in California, she comes to an understanding of what a burden the whole experience of her rape actually was and how it stunted her emotionally. She had earnestly tried to deal with it, but not knowing how and still trying to be authentic, she had slogged on, wallowing in her despair until she reconnected with her true self through teaching. She then extends herself to her students. The novels that were to follow this memoir testify to her having gained insight and depth through her horrific experience at Syracuse University and her teaching.
The book is a straightforward, explicit account and a thoughtful, analytical road map through the shattering, labyrinthine nightmare of violence. After reading this memoir one approaches the subject of rape with more insight and compassion. For me, although a woman and always fearful of such an experience myself, it means that I now realize the vast possibilities of reaction to such an experience. I would think most victims would heal by articulating their experience, as Siebold did. For me, dealing with unpleasantness requires acknowledging the truth, and one must inevitably express that pain in a constructive manner such as telling someone close to you or dealing with it in terms of art. I would press charges against my assailant, as she did. For Alice, however, these measures did not complete the process of recovery; the act and the fear it engendered remained.
Her friend chose another method of recovery; she elected to hold onto her life as it was before the rape. Her choice was to deny the consequence of the rape and to erase from her presence those who reminded her of it. Thus was she willing to abandon a friend for her own emotional survival, a choice Siebold probably would not have made. For me this was one of the most interesting aspects of the book - how diverse are the ways people survive such trauma. For Alice whose upbringing had been emotionally hollow due to parents who did not express their emotions or repressed them in the name of intellectuality and decorum, being an emotional person mattered. For her, maintaining her friendships mattered and likewise holding on to her need for self-expression was as significant for her as her healing from the violence. Thus, she chose dulling the pain through substances for a while, but the need for authenticity reared its head again and again until she chose the path of recovery in that sphere of her life as well.
In this regard, the book is a fantastic, meandering journey, a model for how an emotional female proceeds from the damage of rape, the loss of innocence and her virginity, and the underlying disgust for her fellow man to become a realized human being who understands, not only the consequences of human violence, but also the importance of regaining authenticity in one's life, even if it is so hard, being as we are, surrounded by those whose values of truth and honesty are not the same. For some, the truth of any matter is not as essential as is the survival of the psyche at any cost. For them, as in Lila's case perhaps, it is the maintenance of the image that matters most, not the healing of the mortified soul. Better to ignore that component and move on, as so many do in terms of relationships, conflict, jobs, homes, etc. For Alice, being attuned to the world and capable of emotional commitment and expression truly mattered. Because of that, hats off to Alice Siebold for her courage and honesty in the face of push-back and indifference from those close to her. Thumbs up to the woman for whom Truth mattered most!
There are a few examples of awkward syntax in this book. There are some baffling observations such as Siebold's of the poet Tess Gallagher: "She had long brown hair held back by combs near her temples. This hinted at an underlying humanity." Pardon me? How so? There are long stretches of trial testimony that are repetitive but arguably necessary. The language of the book is direct without flourish or lyricism, just straight talk, as it probably should be. There are few moments where the narrative bogs down, and in my judgment there is little, if any of the book, that is superfluous. This is a powerful read, if one is willing to extend herself to understand -- without judgment and with a keen eye for truth in all manifestations. Rape is a dark subject, after all, and not every reader wants to tread into those black waters. But for those who do, "Lucky" provides the insight good literature promises without sensationalism or maudlin sentimentality. Just the truth, folks. Unvarnished, painful, uncomfortable, distasteful, unsettling, disgusting... are adjectives that come to mind regarding the subject, but not the writing. This is not a book for the timid or the superficial, but it is one for those who read to understand the world - both its grandeur and its darkness.
Marjorie Meyerle
Colorado Writer
Author of "Bread of Shame"
Summary of Lucky: A Memoir
In a memoir hailed for its searing candor and wit, Alice Sebold reveals how her life was utterly transformed when, as an eighteen-year-old college freshman, she was brutally raped and beaten in a park near campus. What propels this chronicle of her recovery is Sebold's indomitable spirit-as she struggles for understanding ("After telling the hard facts to anyone, from lover to friend, I have changed in their eyes"); as her dazed family and friends sometimes bungle their efforts to provide comfort and support; and as, ultimately, she triumphs, managing through grit and coincidence to help secure her attacker's arrest and conviction. In a narrative by turns disturbing, thrilling, and inspiring, Alice Sebold illuminates the experience of trauma victims even as she imparts wisdom profoundly hard-won: "You save yourself or you remain unsaved."Memoirs Books
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