Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy
by Shmuley Boteach
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Book Summary Information
Author: Shmuley BoteachEdition: Paperback
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 2000-01
ISBN: 0385494661
Number of pages: 304
Publisher: Three Rivers Press
Book Reviews of Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy
Book Review: Sex is More Than Physical. This is a Life Enhancing Book!
Summary: 5 Stars
Note: This is not a book about the actual techniques of sex, but deals with your most powerful sexual organ - your mind.....as he quotes Ann Aldrich, "If the psyche is unwilling, no amount of technique can persuade it; and if the psyche is willing, no lack of technique can dissuade it."
This book is about more than Sex, it is about relationships - married and single - religious or not. I am so glad that I did not let the things that I disagree about with Shmuley Boteach to keep me from reading this book. He is a Chasidic Rabbi (Chasidic is Orthodox, but what some incorrectly call "Ultra Orthodox"), though he doesn't really sound like what one might expect (if you are worried about that). Both my husband and I read it and I can't believe what a change it has caused in our lives! We are observant Jews and so we keep the Jewish laws pertaining to family purity which are very rewarding, but this book added insight that was very useful for us. My husband has become more expressive of his affections, we've grown closer together and even our lovemaking is more intimate and enjoyable than ever.
This book isn't only for Jews, but is extremely accessible and candid - and never offensive. He doesn't get into intimate details of the bedroom that one might be embarrassed by. His ideas are very well reasoned and come across as very thoughtful. I found it a thoroughly useful and fascinating book. Most chapters are around 5 pages long. Some shorter, some longer, but they get right to the point and don't go on and on. My attention was sustained throughout. I read a lot of books and am rarely really impressed (especially by books on sex and marriage) and don't recommend books to my friends that often, but this one I've already started recommending. This covers things that my other books on Sex and Marriage (Jewish, Christian or Secular) don't touch or just don't know how to deal with.
BTW, a reviewer said that he doesn't advocate anything other than the missionary position and not things like having the light on. I did not see anything of the sort in this book, but I know that it is a widely believed myth that Orthodox believe that way. Boteach even advocates sex toys if they are supportive of your relationship. So don't worry that you are going to be told what to do. He presents reasons why he doesn't like pornography and masterbation but he isn't preachy.
Because this book isn't only about sex as the physical act itself I think I aught to give you an idea of the Table of Contents. Part one is "Sex File" with the chapters called, "Lust and Commitment", "Sex and Doing What's Expected", "The Myth of Compatibility", "Sex and Traditional Thought", and "Love, Lust, and Intimacy".
Part Two is "Sexual Techniques: The Mechanics of Sex" with chapters called, "Can Men and Women Really Enjoy Sex Together?", "Is There a Kosher Kama Sutra?", "Your Spouse: A Friend or Lover?", "Is Oral Sex Wrong?", "Married People and Masturbation", "Should Sex Be Used to Mend Bridges?", "Sex, When to Refuse It", "Does Size Matter?", "What about Pornography?", "Lights, On or Off", "Is Prostitution a Safe Option?", "Sadomasochism", and "Orthodox Sex, a Hole in a Sheet?"
Part Three is "Sex for Single People" with chapters called, "Do Singe People Have More Fun?", "Is Marriage a Mere Symbol?", "Career or Marriage?", "Holding Out for the Best", "Choosing a Spouse", What If You Drive Each Other Crazy?", "Why Should We Marry At All?", "Marriage, a Relationship Based on Fragility", and "Why Parental Love Ceases to be Sufficient."
Part Four is "Marriage and Divorce" with chapters called, "Is Divorce Ever a Good Thing?", "Your Spouse's Impossible Flaws", "Adultery, Such Fun?", "Becoming Desirable Again", "Kosher Desires", "Children, Yes or No?", "Do the Children Come First?"
Part Five is "Kosher Sex: A Recipe" with chapters called, "Jealousy", "Mystery", "Romance", "Depth", and "Friends and Family".
The last part is called "The Final Word" with parts called, "Climbing the Mountain", "Checklist for Marriage", and "Kosher Sex in a Nutshell".
Summary of Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy
In Kosher Sex, Rabbi Boteach pioneers a revolutionary approach to sex, marriage, and personal relationships, drawing on traditional Jewish wisdom. Using his experiences counseling individuals and couples, the author breaks down sexual taboos and openly, yet respectfully, discusses the meanings, emotions, and the hidden power of sex.With his unique anecdotal style, Rabbi Boteach illustrates each and every point, using real couples who have discovered the joys of "kosher sex"--sex based on love, trust, and real intimacy. He profiles the two most common types of couples--best friends and passionate lovers--and suggests ways of synthesizing the best that each type has to offer.
Rabbi Boteach also has advice for singles on finding the right partner; for individuals either willing to take their long-term relationship to the next level or unsure about doing so; and for married couples who may be experiencing problems in their sex life. At a time when three out of every five marriages fail, Kosher Sex will have an astonishing and positive impact.
With a no-holds-barred conversational style and keen insight, Rabbi Boteach breaks all the taboos and pioneers a new approach to sex, marriage, and personal relationships. He not only brings traditional Jewish wisdom into the twentieth century but makes it relevant to everyone searching for a deeper, more meaningful, and more satisfying love life. -->
Kosher Sex is based on the idea that sex is holy. Written by Shmuley Boteach, a Hasidic rabbi, the book occupies the interesting juncture between sex and religion. Using traditional Jewish thought, Boteach attempts to remove sexual taboos and explain the power and place of sex within a marriage. While Boteach uses the Talmud and the Old Testament as the basis for his approach, his treatise is by no means just for Jewish people. His ideas are universal as he attempts to show how married couples can keep the love in their relationships alive. Kosher sex--"passionate lovemaking that leads to intimacy"--is applicable to all, despite the Jewish terminology.
Peppering explanations with plenty of examples, Kosher Sex is immensely readable. It defines couples as one of two types: the best friends and the passionate lovers. Best friends frequently lack a spark in their relationship, while passionate lovers often have tumultuous marriages, without the intimacy of friendship. Boteach attempts to harmonize the two types into a successful relationship.
Some of Boteach's ideas may strike a liberal reader as overly conservative--his thoughts are directed at married couples, as he firmly believes sex has no place outside of this committed bond. Furthermore, his beliefs on such issues as the place of masturbation and pornography in marriage, whether or not sex should be used to settle arguments, and if the lights should be on or off while making love may make Dan Savage or Susie Bright fans cringe. His ideas for singles attempting to find the right partner seem somewhat outdated. Yet, for those who hold traditional views, this book may seem a daring and helpful foray into a topic that is not openly discussed. He makes interesting and valid arguments for all of his points, whether or not you agree with him. In a time when the divorce rate continues to soar, perhaps Rabbi Boteach isn't so off the mark. --Jenny Brown
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