If Men Could Talk: Unlocking the Secret Language of Men

If Men Could Talk: Unlocking the Secret Language of Men
by Alon Gratch

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Book Summary Information

Author: Alon Gratch
Edition: Paperback
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 2002-02-06
ISBN: 0316178683
Number of pages: 320
Publisher: Little, Brown and Company
Product features:

ISBN13: 9780316178686
Condition: New
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Book Reviews of If Men Could Talk: Unlocking the Secret Language of Men

Book Review: What a gift
Summary: 5 Stars

What a gift this book is, and what a great read. I coach individuals in emotional intelligence, but there are also men in my private life who resemble those in this book.

Why, just the other day I had a date with a gentlemen who drove 100 miles to my town to take me out to dinner. As we headed for a restaurant I knew well, in my hometown after all, that he had been to once, 5 years ago, he got lost and asked me not to say anything. ?? "OK," I said, "But it's right over there." I was, well, hungry. He said no, it was not right over there. After 20 minutes of driving in silence ("testosterone makes people silent"), he concluded that I "might be right" [if I'm RIGHT, he's WRONG] and permitted me to point out the restaurant just a few blocks away. He asked me out again, and I declined. He seemed to enjoy "hunting in silence" a lot more than I did.

And this, said Gratch, is how men end up in therapy. Only when they've driven themselves for a long time, and are totally lost will they ask directions, i.e., a busted relationship, getting fired, or some other crisis for which they can't find the map they wouldn't use if they had. Yes, men are men.

It's good to bear in mind though, as I tell clients to whom I recommend this book, that Gratch is talking about therapy clients. This is not the "average" man, and since Gratch is psychoanalytic, I'll throw in that I think they seem to have more than their share of the designer ailment "narcissism."

That having been said, it's a thoroughly delightful book. What you "do" with a man like this - who can't "talk," but there's a lot more to it - is not so simple, but, yes, Virginia, if you're looking for anything "simple" in terms of human relations, you're going to be frequently disappointed. You have to do a LOT of reading, and experiencing, but reading this book is a start.

Dr. Gratch gives enough direct recommendations you could put into place in a relationship to give us hope, e.g., when he picks on you because his boss yelled at him/he lost the golf game/he's put on weight, tell him, "Come back when you have something nice to say" and LEAVE HIM WITH THE FEELING. How else will he sort it out, and, more importantly, how else will you keep yourself relatively free of the projections?

I found this book helpful in coaching men in emotional intelligence. If you read the book carefully, you'll get a lot of Gratch's attitude, which is the key. He manages to be sympathetic but confronting, and also to retain his curiosity, sense of humor, and compassion, as well as being able to keep himself from getting entangled in the embroglio, which is a skill you need with someone who's not mindful about their emotions.

He does rely on the premise that it's their wishes to be feminine (or have the perceived advantages of being female) that should be considered. I prefer to look at the wellness and success that comes from knowing your emotions and being able to talk about them, and from being balanced with a full repertoire of qualities - whether labeled "female" or "male." The more you have to draw on when it's needed, the better you'll do, the more interesting you'll be to others, and easier to be with, and your enjoyment of life will generally increase. That's high EQ!

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Summary of If Men Could Talk: Unlocking the Secret Language of Men

This in-depth look into the seven attributes that can be used to help decode and interpret male behavior and explains the underpinnings of their outer behavioral patterns is presented. It also includes practical insights and useful tips on how women and men can learn how to talk, and to change men's non-verbal, action-oriented communications into the language of emotional dialogue.

Self-Help Books

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