How to Break Your Addiction to a Person
by Howard Halpern
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Book Summary Information
Author: Howard HalpernEdition: Paperback
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 2003-12-30
ISBN: 0553382497
Number of pages: 272
Publisher: Bantam
Book Reviews of How to Break Your Addiction to a Person
Book Review: Only Read This Book If You Seriously Want Out Of An Addictive Relationship
Summary: 5 Stars
"Just because I hurt so much doesn't mean I love him. It means I'm an addict in withdrawal." ~ pg. 190
The goal of "How to Break Your Addiction to a Person" is to get you out of an addictive relationship. This book is filled with revealing diary entries and stories of unhealthy relationships. While many of the examples explore the joy, love and ecstasy in staying with the person you "love," there is also a serious consideration of feeling panicky, needy, clingy, possessive, filled with despair, loneliness, jealousy, hatred and rage. The negative emotions you feel might outweigh the positive feelings as you get deeper into an abusive relationship.
Still, ending your contact with the person you "love" may make you feel suicidal or at least extremely depressed. However from personal experience I can tell you that the freedom you feel once you get over the person is worth "possibly" years of your time to get over them. In my first addictive relationship I knew the person for six years and it took six years to get over them. That may be an extreme example but I did eventually get over them and moved on with my life. I can say that it was the moment that I told my ex boyfriend that I was getting married to someone else that finally freed me. I had to force myself to get on with my life.
Yes this book will tell you how to effectively get over someone but it can make you feel as if you are dying or at least feel the "emptiness of a person eternally exiled." In the end you can thank your parents for your suffering, at least that is what Howard M. Halpern promotes throughout this book. You will be reading about your attachment to your mother quite a bit and how your desire to be loved by your father could be affecting your current relationship.
Long after feeling limerence you may experience "attachment hunger." To get over a person you have to understand that you are trying to satisfy your inner child's need for affection and love. It would almost seem less cruel to fall out of love with someone first instead of literally ripping your heart away from the person you desire. Being in love does last somewhere between six months and three years so you could be spending a lot of your time in ecstasy and hell. If you are a woman who seems to always be attracted to emotionally unavailable men then you may completely understand how you can be "hooked on the challenge of melting stones."
I would say that this book will be most helpful for people who are dating or who are in an unhealthy serious long-term relationship. I was not as happy to read about marriages that had to end. I feel there is room for marriage counseling or at least a serious bout of reading marriage books. Perhaps reading ten good marriage books before you divorce would be a good idea since it is especially destructive if you already have children. Just because you are going through a rough time (however if you are being abused do seek help immediately) doesn't mean that love cannot be rekindled. So that would be my only caution in reading this otherwise helpful book.
Here are some books I can highly Recommend:
Cracking the Communication Code: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language
How to Get Your Husband to Talk to You
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex
Who's Pushing Your Buttons?
The Love Dare
The Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to Get More Out of Your Relationship by Doing Less
7 Stages of Marriage: Laughter, Intimacy and Passion Today, Tomorrow, Forever
The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever
Give & Take: The Secret to Marital Compatibility
~The Rebecca Review
Summary of How to Break Your Addiction to a Person
Are you in love--or addicted? How to know when to call it quits...and how to find the courage to call it quits.Are you unable to leave a love relationship even though it gives you more pain than joy? Your judgment and self-respect tell you to end it, but still, to your dismay, you hang on. You are addicted--to a person. Now there is an insightful, step-by-step guide to breaking that addiction--and surviving the split. Drawing on dozens of provocative case histories, psychotherapist Howard Helpern explains to you:
Why you can get addicted to a person.
Why and how you may try to deceive yourself. ("He really loves me, he just doesn't know how to show it.")
How you can recognize the symptoms of a bad relationship.
How to deal with the power moves and guilt trips your partner uses to hold you.
Why strong feelings of jealousy do not mean you are "in love."
How to get through the agonizing breakup period--without going back.
How not to get caught in such a painful relationship again.
From the Paperback edition.
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