Hot Buttons: How to Resolve Conflict and Cool Everyone Down
by Sybil Evans, Sherry Suib Cohen

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Book Reviews of Hot Buttons: How to Resolve Conflict and Cool Everyone Down

Book Review: An appropriate book for our times.
Summary: 4 Stars

Summary of Hot Buttons: How to Resolve Conflict and Cool Everyone Down

From road rage to confrontations in the supermarket line, we live in sensitive times, and it takes almost nothing to light someone's fuse. Whether you're feeling manipulated or bullied, learn how to resolve conflict in yourself and with others using the techniques found in Hot Buttons.

Sybil Evans, "The Conflict Coach," helps you recognize what pushes your hot buttons and how you can turn them off -- without alienating people or pressing their buttons. You'll learn that conflict can be energizing, inspiring, and even sexy, if you know how to harness it.

"We live in angry times," says Hot Buttons author Sybil Evans, and she should know. As one of America's leading experts on conflict resolution, Evans has worked with everyone from corporations the size of AT&T to the United States Tennis Association to couples on the brink of divorce. So what's the source of our growing hostility? Hot buttons.

"A hot button," Evans writes, "is an emotional trigger." Your hot buttons get pushed when people call you names, don't respond to you, take what belongs to you, challenge your competence, don't respect you, give you unsolicited advice, don't appreciate you, are condescending... and the list goes on. In Hot Buttons: How to Resolve Conflict and Cool Everyone Down, Evans and coauthor Sherry Suib Cohen claim that by recognizing what pushes your hot buttons--and by learning how not to push the hot buttons of others--conflicts can be avoided. Even more important is the ability to turn them off once they have been pushed. The book begins with a five-step formula for doing this: "watch the play," "confirm," "get more information," "assert your own interests and needs," and "find common ground for a solution." Once the authors have explained how to achieve each step, they cover just about every conceivable conflict under the sun and how to employ the five steps in each case. Added to the mix are a number of self-quizzes for identifying what sets you off and dozens of catchy quotes, termed "Hot-Button Hints," such as "When anger rises, think of the consequences" (Confucius).

One of the book's more interesting chapters deals with how hot buttons can be hazardous to your health. Other chapters include discussions of hot buttons and intimacy, the family, children, friendship, and the workplace. Evans's expertise is apparent throughout, though she does get repetitive, particularly when driving home her points with what seems like an endless supply of personal anecdotes from those she's worked with over the years. Still, among all the examples, readers will find fresh, creative ideas for quelling rages large and small. --Patrick Jennings

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