Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition
by Harville Hendrix Ph.D.

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition
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Book Summary Information

Author: Harville Hendrix Ph.D.
Afterword: Harville Hendrix Ph.D.
Edition: Paperback
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 2007-12-26
ISBN: 0805087001
Number of pages: 384
Publisher: Henry Holt & Co
Product features:
  • ISBN13: 9780805087000
  • Condition: New
  • Notes: BRAND NEW FROM PUBLISHER! 100% Satisfaction Guarantee. Tracking provided on most orders. Buy with Confidence! Millions of books sold!

Book Reviews of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition

Book Review: Imago is amazing!
Summary: 5 Stars

I read the original edition which is probably almost identical as the Anniversary Edition. I really identified with the book and the concepts. I have to say this... the book is good but there is a big difference between reading the book and practicing Imago. My wife and I went to see an Imago Coach and for 90 minutes practiced what was in the book. The coach helped to create a safe space for us to dialogue and lead us through the process. It was amazing! It was all about connection. That is what it is all about...connection. It was truly amazing as I was invited into my wife's world as a visitor. My job was only to observe and mirror( and later validate and empathize). And we kept digging deeper into the story and arrived at her childhood, the root of the strong emotional response to something I did. It was not about me, but what I did reminded her "old" brain of a past incident that was very scary as a child. Her "old" brain's job is to protect and to keep her alive. As a child that incident was a life or death situation (or seemed like it), but as an adult it is not. The old brain doesn't know that she is no longer a child, so it sounds the alarm and that is where sometimes intense reactions can come from. It was a real honor to step into her world and see it through her eyes. It gave me such insight into what was really going on. It also gave her insight so that when that "old" brain sounds the danger alarm she doesn't have react because she knows what it is about. Every session we went to was well worth the money; we got so much out of each session. We also went to two workshops on Imago and those were excellent as well. So my point is that the book is good, but actually doing what is in the book is amazing and life changing. It's the difference between reading a book about hang-gliding and actually doing it. Think of this book as an introduction, but following it up with seeing an Imago coach (therapist) or going to a workshop. It's NOT about blaming our parents and not taking responsibility for our lives and actions. It's about self-discovery and about discovery of your partner. It's about becoming being whole. It's about connection. Love it.

[...]

Summary of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition

Originally published in 1988, Getting the Love You Want has helped millions of couples attain more loving, supportive, and deeply satisfying relationships. The 20th anniversary edition contains extensive revisions to this groundbreaking book, with a new chapter, new exercises, and a foreword detailing Dr. Hendrix?s updated philosophy for eliminating all negativity from couples? daily interactions, allowing readers of the 2008 edition to benefit from his ongoing discoveries during his last two decades of work.

Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., in partnership with his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD., originated Imago Relationship Therapy, a unique healing process for couples, prospective couples, and parents. Together they have more than thirty years? experience as educators and therapists and their work has been translated into more than 50 languages, with Imago practiced by two thousand therapists worldwide. Harville and Helen have six children and live in New York and New Mexico.


When Harville Hendrix writes about relationships, he discusses them not just as an educator and a therapist, but as a man who has himself been through a failed marriage. Hendrix felt the sting of his divorce intensely because he believed it signaled not only his failure as a husband but also his failure as a couples counselor. Investigating why his marriage dissolved led him to start looking into the psychology of love. Marriage, he ultimately discovered, is the "practice of becoming passionate friends."

As a result of his research, Hendrix created a therapy he calls Imago Relationship Therapy. In it, he combines what he's learned in a number of disciplines, including the behavioral sciences, depth psychology, cognitive therapy, and Gestalt therapy, to name just a few. He expounds upon this approach in Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. His purpose in writing the book, he says, is "to share with you what I have learned about the psychology of love relationships, and to help you transform your relationship into a lasting source of love and companionship."

Divided into three sections, the book covers "The Unconscious Marriage," which details a marriage in which the remaining desires and behavior of childhood interfere with the current relationship; "The Conscious Marriage," which shows a marriage that fulfils those childhood needs in a positive manner; and a 10-week "course in relationship therapy, " which gives detailed exercises for you and your partner to follow in order to learn how to "replace confrontation and criticism ... with a healing process of mutual growth and support." The text is occasionally dry and technical; however, the information provided is valuable, the case studies are interesting, and the exercises are revealing and helpful. By utilizing his program, Hendrix hopes you too will be able to solve your marital difficulties without the expense of a therapist. --Jenny Brown

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