Eeeee Eee Eeee by Tao Lin
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Book Reviews of Eeeee Eee Eeee
Book Review: Ninth speed an added bonus
Summary: 5 Stars
I highly recommend this model over other blenders. For starters, it has nine speeds, whereas the next leading models only has seven. It's really great though, because the added options for blending really make the difference between a GOOD daiquiri and a GREAT daiquiri.
Also, it's got a lot of power. I think they're using a new type of motor or something. You can practically jam the thing with rocks, and as long as your blade is sharp, it's fine and dandy. I know they don't make things like they used to, but this one is good for the long haul. I've used it for about four hours straight without having any problems with overheating or the engine burning out--which is what led me to look into this model to begin with.
I guess one of the problems with it is the size of the bowl. That's why it took four hours rather than, say, two. The bow is about 5 or 6 cups, whereas I would prefer something that could handle 10-12 cups. Unfortunately, the bigger you get, the harder it is to evenly chop stuff. That's really a problem with the industry in general. They're too stuck on figuring out how to increase power or size that they can't seem to get an ergonomically useful bowl, which basically invalidates all the work they're doing, and ends up giving the consumer a bad product no matter how much you're willing to pay.
But hey, if you're not looking for perfection, this is the best deal you'll get. It's got versatility, endurance, and looks. I don't think there's a sexier model out there. It'll last you forever, or at least as long as you treat it well.
Book Review: I thought [redacted] to be bad.
Summary: 5 Stars
I recently reread *dolphin noises* for a book report for a 200-level literature class at the community college I attend. Everyone thought talking animals were funny, but then I got in trouble for calling the "plot" "lame."
Before then, I didn't know "cripples" were referred to as "lame." My professor probably would have taken points off. He didn't.
During my presentation, I said stuff like "generational malaise" and "inanity hyper-magnified."
My classmates looked at me oddly throughout, but clapped politely at the end of the four minutes and 23 seconds I talked.
Some kid with a nose tried to give me a high-five. He said that the talking dolphins sold him on the book. I wanted to punch him in his nose but didn't because of social pressure and weakness of character.
Overall, I will recommend this book to people who express interest in(following is edited for clarity) those terms I referred to in my presentation. There is a heightened sense of tagged phrases (i.e. depression, existentialism, loneliness, etc) through Tao Lin's explicit, minimalistic prose. By reducing the constituent pathos into obvious statements of (tagged phrases), his characters' doldrums pervade the quaint piece of fiction through what seems to be a concentrate of seeming triviality. Nevertheless, an astute reader, tuned to a certain twenty-something wavelength, will be moved by Tao Lin's *dolphin noises.*
Thanks to the [redacted]for promises of [redacted]in the form of [redacted] in return for this [redacted].
Book Review: The best book about dominos pizza ever written.
Summary: 5 Stars
"Sometimes when dolphins went to playgrounds alone they did the monkeybars and went to the swings and on the swings thought, "I hate this stupid world."
They thought, "I hate it."
They cried a little with the wind against their face.
They felt so bad that they went away.
And found Elijah Wood and told Elijah Wood to go with them and Elijah Wood went--because he thought it was a movie. Elijah Wood and other celebrities like Salman Rushdie rode dolphins in rivers. Salman Rushdie felt proud and famous. And the dolphins swam to islands and beat Elijah Wood and the other famous people with heavy branches. They cried when they murdered human beings, and it was terrible.
One dolphin had a battle axe and killed Wong Kar-Wai."
That's an excerpt from Tao Lin's new book Eeeee Eee Eeee. I'm pretty sure the book doesn't mean anything which is why you should read it. It's about post-ironic boredom and laziness and saying things like "I don't know how to have fun" all the time.
If you care the book is kind of like if Holden Caulfield wrote an autobiography in the middle of a Hunter S. Thompson freakout. It is very "Kafka-esque" which is a phrase that annoys the hell out of my friend Rachel, and rightfully so because it's a dumb thing to say.
Go pick it up and read it and hate it (probably), but read it. It will change nothing about you but it will make you think about bears teleporting and throwing blankets on top of moose(s), which is so much better than most things.
Book Review: Eeeee Ass Eeee
Summary: 5 Stars
I read "Eeeee..." in 30-60 minute installments while walking ~3.5mph at a 15.0 grade incline on a treadmill in 2009. I remember feeling like I hadn't read anything like that before, where it seemed like the author was writing from a place of hopelessness/dissatisfaction with the world that lead them to ask questions like "why do I feel unhappy so often, why aren't there more choices for me?" and "what if a bear approached me while I was sitting in my car and took me to an underground world of dolphins?" but paid maybe more attention to the second question because it provided a more constructive (or at least more interesting) way of thinking about their life. I also liked how the prose style seemed to want to mimic how thoughts and feelings interplay (i.e. Andrew will see something which reminds him of a memory with Sara, so the sentences will be something like "Andrew looked out the window at the tree. Sara sitting in the tree, laughing. Sara's face.") to directly relate an experience and sort of ignore it in the context of it being the subject of a book.
I also noticed and liked the scene where Andrew and his friend see a waitress at Denny's who they went to high school with and leave without paying and that the story "Sasquatch" in "Bed" is written from the perspective of a waitress at Denny's who sees people from her high school enter Denny's, doesn't want to wait on them, and watches them leave without paying.
Book Review: This book makes me want to read
Summary: 5 Stars
I'm not normally an avid reader but this book was strongly recommended by a friend who thought I would identify with it. It's a short read and I can say now well worth it. Having grown up in Orlando around the same time as the author I think helps me share his perspective. A lot of the kids were bored. We started or talked about starting bands, most often the latter. We hung out at Denny's with other lonely kids like us and sometimes did stupid things to get thrown or chased out. Sometimes we yelled at other people or at nobody in particular out of car windows, too.
Many of the situations in the book explore internally altered realities dealing with sadness, loneliness, boredom and embarrassment. Though the subject matter is meaningful, the ways in which the situations unfold are totally ridiculous and some of the funniest stuff I've ever seen put to paper. I can only best describe them as thoughts or daydreams you might have but never tell anyone about because they'd think you're insane.
The story works best if you can accept it for what it is and just follow it where it takes you... down the ladder and over by the dolphins with the sledgehammers.