Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People: How to Beat Them Without Joining Them
by Ronald M. Shapiro, Mark A. Jankowski, James Dale
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Book Summary Information
Author: James Dale, Mark A. Jankowski, Ronald M. ShapiroEdition: Paperback
Audio: English (Original Language); English (Unknown); English (Published)
Published: 2007-04-24
ISBN: 140005012X
Number of pages: 288
Publisher: Three Rivers Press
Book Reviews of Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People: How to Beat Them Without Joining Them
Book Review: If you deal with "difficult" people, you MUST read this book!
Summary: 5 Stars
BULLIES, TYRANTS & IMPOSSIBLE PEOPLE by Ronald M. Shapiro and Mark A.
Jankowski is a book whose title caught my attention . . . when
I then saw the subtitle--HOW TO BEAT THEM WITHOUT JOINING
THEM--I was hooked with the awareness that this something
that I had to read, because I often find myself having to deal
with folks that might well be considered "difficult" only because
I'm trying to be generous here.
The authors, founders of the Shapiro Negotiations Institute,
bring in many examples that can be applied to life, home
and work situations . . . what's best is that these are
real, coming from such diverse fields as sports, politics,
dining out, and personal relationships, to name just a few.
As I was reading, I kept thinking how Shaprio and
Jankowski made difficult situations seem as if they
could all be handled, such as this one example
involving Phil Jackson when he was coaching the
Chicago Bulls:
He recounted in INC. magazine how his players learned that the best
way to overcome someone who is attacking you, emotionally or
otherwise, is to replace the impulse to strike back with the impulse
to become more focused on the game. Jackson recounted that
when the Bulls played the Detroit Pistons in the late 1980s,
Detroit would win because the Pistons were able to incite the Bulls
into fighting back. It was not until the Bulls learned to control
their "strike-back" impulse that they were able to overcome the
Pistons. As Jackson recalled, "Everybody on our team was
slammed around. . . . Players were tackled, tripped, elbowed,
and smacked in the face. But they all laughed it off. The Pistons
didn't know how to respond. We completely disarmed them by not
striking back. At that moment, our players became true champions."
I gained another valuable tidbit of information when I read about how
Shapiro and Jankowski talked about "writing their press release" . . . they
said:
It can be challenging for most of us to come up with solutions
that allow the other side to save face. Because it's hard to step
outside of ourselves and think like the other side. (Hey, they are
the other side. How could they be right?) One technique we
have used to bridge the gap to their foreign territory is the
exercise of "writing the other side's press release." In other words,
as you come up with options they may find attractive, give
yourself the hypothetical assignment of crafting a statement to
the press that explains why the resolution is a "win" for the other
person, as if you are the other person. Forcing yourself to go
through this exercise will ensure that you frame proposals or
options from a point of view that demonstrates benefit to the
other side. It is rare that you will ever be in a situation in which
you are writing a real (not just hypothetical) press release. But
once it did happen to Ron. He did actually write the press release
to announce the other side's "victory" (which, in reality, he had
shaped and defined on behalf of his client). It's a story that
graphically demonstrates why options work and how to employ
them to get out of a maze filled with apparent impasses.
Lastly, I liked the fact that humor was also used throughout
the book, such as in this retelling of a famous anecdote about
executives who worked for the infamous banking baron J. P. Morgan:
Morgan was tyrannical. He demanded endless, thankless work from
his cadre of distinguished, educated, highly skilled business
managers. He was notorious for never complimenting, but always
disparaging their efforts, privately and publicly. But he paid
them huge sums of money. When asked why these men
continued to work for the abusive Morgan, one replied,
"He's got us by our limousines."
I don't know if I'll go quite that far in working with others. . . however,
as a result of reading BULLIES, TYRANTS & IMPOSSIBLE PEOPLE,
I will now go out of my way to recommend it to others--particularly
if they deal with such folks on any sort of regular basis.
Summary of Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People: How to Beat Them Without Joining Them
The impossible people who make life?s journey so difficult are everywhere?at the office, in restaurants, on airplanes, living next door, members of your own family. They?re . . .? your ?nothing is ever good enough? boss
? the ?no price is ever low enough? client
? the next-door neighbor who redefines the meaning of paranoia
? the maître d? who looks through you as if you don?t exist
? the father-in-law who you know is always thinking about how much better a life his Janey or Joey would have if only married to someone other than you
Ron Shapiro and Mark Jankowski give you a simple and highly effective 4-point plan for dealing with all of them and more?N.I.C.E. Their system shows you how to neutralize your emotions so you don?t just react but act purposefully and wisely. It enables you to identify the type of bully, tyrant, or impossible person you?re facing?the situationally difficult (something has happened that turns an otherwise reasonable person into a temporary terror); the strategically difficult (she has empirical evidence that being difficult is a strategy that gets results); or simply difficult (being difficult is his 24/7 M.O.). Then you?ll learn how to shape the outcome by controlling the encounter and, finally, how to get ?unstuck? by exploring your options.
Using colorful stories from all walks of life? ?He called me the scum of the earth and it went downhill from there,? ?First, lock all your vendors in a small room,? and ?The boss from hell??the authors bring their lessons to life, from business life to family life.
From the Hardcover edition.
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