A Year by the Sea: Thoughts of an Unfinished Woman
by Joan Anderson
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Book Summary Information
Author: Joan AndersonEdition: Paperback
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language); English (Published)
Published: 2000-08-15
ISBN: 0767905938
Number of pages: 208
Publisher: Broadway
Book Reviews of A Year by the Sea: Thoughts of an Unfinished Woman
Book Review: Marriage and Motherhood Revisited
Summary: 5 Stars
Sometimes I think of young girls barely out of college saying that all they want is to be a wife and mother. Their voices reveal a yearning for comfort, security, and a sense of place that traditional roles offer. Now there is nothing wrong with marriage and motherhood as they are potentially very fulfilling. The only danger is when a woman seeks it because of unconscious fears rather then freely choosing the lifestyle it entails. Marriages can be LEGALLY dissolved, they can even be VOIDED by an act of Annullment by the Vatican, but if children are in the picture, the permanent tie to the other parent and the obligation cannot easily be vanquished. And remember ... legal divorce/Roman Catholic annullment (even if you get both) does not sever the emotional cords between two people. Once marriages are created lives are intertwined and energetically merged. Physical and legal separations don't mean that two people are not still entangled with one another on an emotional and spiritual level even if they are now ex-spouses. Why do you think single parents from a divorce (distinct from a death) have such difficulty in relationships and often go on to divorce several more times. Even without children these former partners still play out a dynamic years after.
I have known many people who married before the age of 25, shortly after college, or early in their work life before a solid inner core self identity had been established. Sure it seemed like a great idea at the time to have another bear witness to their life. Unfortunatley, the changes were unbearable to one another. The soul mate became a cell mate within 5 years or less. The lost dreams turn in nightmares. Intensive resentment at each other for "being in their way". Both partners being seduced by the lifestyles of Sex and the City and The Bachelor. The grass looking so much greener (actually, it is! Green as in British Racing Green kind of Green, like a Jaguar car! Thank you Candace Bushnell), and so on and so on and so on. Children produced to fix a marriage that is only part of a problem-solution viscious cycle that intensifies a problem. Separation, divorce, and two people back on the market joining Parents without Partners and Lavalife. Innocence, the adventurous possibilities of the 20's lost, a walk down the aisle that really was a waltz into a chamber chained to the floor and tethered with one another.
That said, I highly advise women who are single and never married to read this book. Choices have consequences and some choices can have a physical permanent consequence. I have seen young girls barely 25 on the subway pregnant and dressed like a Paris Hilton yummy mummy with a rock on her left hand. And it makes me wonder ... what bill of false goods and false promises has she trapped herself into? Kids bring alot of joy and require a 100% emotional investment.Unless you are 100% willing and KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GETTING INTO ... becoming a mother means that YOU WILL TAKE A BACK SEAT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Once you have a child, that child determines what you do, where you go, how your schedule operates, etc. If you cannot put your children first and foremost above all else ... don't have them. They deserve to be first, a top priority, and you MUST be there for them 100%. Otherwise, you ARE an unfit mother - hands down!
Marriage and Motherhood can be a sanctuary of well-being OR equivalent to a life sentence on Alcatraz in solitary confinement with no hope of parole. Nothing and no one makes you happy except yourself. If you are true to your heart and have a huge dream you want to go after ... do it before plunging into conventional notions of what a woman should do. Nothing kills love than resentmemt and false blame that your life turned out lacklustre because of your partner. The seeds of escape and codependance bear no fruit. Don't be an unfinished woman. Be a complete woman. A full woman makes the best mother.
Summary of A Year by the Sea: Thoughts of an Unfinished Woman
Now available in paperback, the entrancing story of how one woman's journey of self-discovery gave her the courage to persevere in re-creating her life.Life is a work in progress, as ever-changing as a sandy shoreline along the beach. During the years Joan Anderson was a loving wife and supportive mother, she had slowly and unconsciously replaced her own dreams with the needs of her family. With her sons grown, however, she realized that the family no longer centered on the home she provided, and her relationship with her husband had become stagnant. Like many women in her situation, Joan realized that she had neglected to nurture herself and, worse, to envision fulfilling goals for her future. As her husband received a wonderful job opportunity out-of-state, it seemed that the best part of her own life was finished. Shocking both of them, she refused to follow him to his new job and decided to retreat to a family cottage on Cape Cod.
At first casting about for direction, Joan soon began to take plea-sure in her surroundings and call on resources she didn't realize she had. Over the course of a year, she gradually discovered that her life as an "unfinished woman" was full of possibilities. Out of that magical, difficult, transformative year came A Year by the Sea, a record of her experiences and a treasury of wisdom for readers.
This year of self-discovery brought about extraordinary changes in the author's life. The steps that Joan took to revitalize herself and rediscover her potential have helped thousands of woman reveal and release untapped resources within themselves.
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